


“ Illusions of Grandeur”

by SouthernLolita



Series: GamaFrost Tales [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Bruce Feels, Bullying, Drug Withdrawal, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family Issues, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Masturbation, Past Abuse, Rating changed 6/9/16, Rehabilitation, School Reunion, Tags Are Hard, Therapy, Why Did I Write This?, gamafrost - Freeform, jail reference, non-powered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-10 07:21:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6972619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernLolita/pseuds/SouthernLolita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki was the king of the school, popular liked, attractive.<br/>And Bruce Banner….well he saw the inside of a lot of trashcans..<br/>What happens when the class nerd comes to his 15year reunion to find that his ‘crush’ and former Academy Elite  is now bottom of the barrel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue- Class of  1999

**Author's Note:**

> Just putting this one out now to see it there is any interest in it. Comment and let me know if i should continue.

Evenings were quiet, parking the Lexus and retrieving his bag from the passenger seat. There where some papers he wanted to look over before bed. One of the research students in his department had been doing some innovative experiments. It was the least Bruce could do to look over her findings.  He thought maybe she had a little crush as well…poor girl.   
  
Dinner was much the same as it usually was, alone in front of his laptop. Microwaved prepackaged crap, normally he would have at least made a salad or something but it was late. Bruce was looking over some emails; request to be a keynote speaker at the physics summit, a few messages from colleges and from science journals that had published his work. There at the end of the list was a little smiley face and the bold letter “Reunion class of 99!”   
  
The doctor pulled of his glasses and sat back, looking around his home, Bruce realized he hadn’t given much thought to his old Alma-Ata. His high school diploma did not grace the walls with his other accolades and degrees, no photos of himself any earlier than the age of 25 could even be found in his home. Save for the one small frame in his bedroom that held an image of himself and his mother.   
  
The only person he still spoke to from then was Tony, and that had been by accident when he saw the man again at a science and engineering expo. Since then they stayed in close contact, comparing notes on different subjects.   
  
Tony would likely be going, he knew because Stark is a show off. No way in hell Tony would miss rubbing his success in the noses of all the naysayer’s. Hell… Tony might show up in a helicopter. Bruce on the other hand not so much, sure, he could - he had done well for himself.   
  
Banner was praised for his findings in his field of study; he was venerated for his activism and contributions to notable organizations. He’d been offered countless research and teaching positions all over the globe. He had been happy enough working stateside and conducting his research. He wasn’t in Tony’s tax bracket but he was only a few steps below. Nice house, nice cars, tech that would make most men drool. Bruce even had his own lab.    
  
Part of him wanted to say he didn’t care. That he could delete the message and never think about it again. Yet thinking back there was one person he wanted to see, well a few but…one in particular. One who likely wouldn’t even remember him because Bruce wasn’t exactly the most popular kid?

* * *

  
The bell rang and echoed the confines of the steel locker, normally someone wouldn’t know what that sounded like but Bruce was apparently a pioneer in the field of ‘cramped space exploration’. His expeditions often funded by the football team who boldly shoved him into to tight confines where no freshmen had gone before.   
  


  * Lockers
  * Trashcans
  * Cabinets



Even an instance with large duffel, which was then slid into the girl’s locker room. Thank god, Natasha took mercy and knew Bruce wasn’t that much of a perv to try to peep by Trojan gym bag.   
  
For now, Bruce was just thankful the locker door had grates and he wasn’t going to run out of oxygen and die. As it happened though his luck turned around when a mess of scruffy blond hair appeared, the figure shifting to show a pair of blue eyes.   
  
“Hey Steve…”  
  
The little blonde snorted and set to picking the lock, “I don’t know why you let those guys bully you, Jesus Bruce! Just …fight back!”  
  
Bruce rolled his eyes, social advice from Steve…who was all of 80lbs soaking wet and got into nearly as many tussles as Bruce. The only difference was that Bruce had adapted a possum like strategy of just going limp and waiting for it to be over. As a result, the only thing usually bruised on him was his pride. Steve on the other hand was a little stuck of dynamite and was damned if he didn’t go down swinging. Which cost him dearly - Steve was actually suppose to be a junior but had missed too much school from illness and injury, if he kept on the way he was he’d be graduating with Bruce or maybe not at all.  
  
“I value my teeth.”  
  
“I still got all my teeth,” the blonde-haired person muttered as the lock popped free.   
  
Bruce climbed out and stretched his stinging limbs, “Yeah but how many concussions have you had? Broken noses? Cracked ribs for god sakes… If it wasn’t for Bucky and Natasha you’d be dead.”   
  
Steve waved a hand, “Yeah yeah, a mans got to make a stand though Bruce. Like my ma said they may shite on ya but don’t let em’ rub it in.” 

* * *

  
  
That’s how things were; Bruce was in the outcast group. A little band of stragglers and geeks, they had good friendships though so at least it was something.   
  
Then in Bruce’s sophomore year they received a transfer student, the word was the person was a ‘bad seed’ kicked out of some private school for who knows what. Loki Odinson, he came from money and looked like a rock star.   
  
Tall, athletic, shining black hair and piercing green eyes. Not to mention that accent!   
  
The girls went wild. Loki was charismatic and stylish, he could make people just want to be near him. He had that bad boy mystique with a good boy charm. Everyone wanted to be in just a fraction of his light.   
  
Including Bruce and that was another reason he hesitated to be in the public eye…Bruce liked boys.  If being smart and wearing sweater vests weren’t bad enough an neon sign proclaiming his attraction to the schools golden boy would have meant death by embarrassment.   
  
When Loki walked down the hall and found himself surrounded by cheerleaders and pretty girls form the choir club, Bruce lingered in that outer orbit. He, like them, longed to sit shotgun in Odinson’s Emerald green Trans Am. Dreamed of that accented voice speaking his name in soft tones, those bedroom eyes in shades of forest staring at him with want.   
  
Yeah…it was bad.

* * *

  
so maybe… there was one person in particular whose memory brought heat to Bruce’s face. Not like that was the only reason he’d like to attend. He wanted to see his old friends too…yeah…friends.  
  
 **RE: Class of 99 (RSVP-Attendance-Bruce Banner)**  
  



	2. Most likely to succeed….or not.

Well this was …wonderfully horrible. It looked like a party store exploded in the banquet hall. Streamers of vibrant Red, Blue and Gold -Hailed the returning Class of 1999. Balloons, glitter and matching plastic flatware. At least there was an open bar.   
  
_“I don’t want no scrub! A scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me, hanging out the passenger side of his best friends ride tryin to holla at me…”_  
  
 The music of his youth blared as Bruce walked into the banquet hall,  it was hilarious to see Tony across the room hitting on some 6ft blond in uniform while the anti-game anthem pounded in  the background. Seemed like Stark might have been making some headway though, not surprising. Bruce had seen the playboy work his magic at last year’s technology summit - aforementioned mojo ended with Tony taking a pair of Twins back to the hotel that night. Bruce was surprised to find out the next morning (in far too much detail) that the lovely ladies where actually fraternal twins… and one of them turned out not to be a lady. Apparently, there was photographic documentation but Bruce declined the offer of a slide show.   
  
There are something’s you cannot unsee.   
  
Eyes trailing over the dance floor, Bruce spotted a familiar head of red hair, which did not make sense because Natasha was a grade ahead of them… that was until he saw her lean over and plant a kiss on another familiar face. “Good job Clint…” Bruce muttered making his way to the sign in table to collect his name tag.   
  
Said badges were horrible tacky things that looked like a kite…apparently it was suppose to be in the silhouette of there school’s mascot. The Marvel Academy Manta Rays. Bruce just didn’t see it; he scribbled his signature on the sticker and smoothed it onto his lapel.   
  
It wasn’t long before Tony found him, “Brucy bear!”   
  
Stark making his way through the crowd, but not before grabbing the blondes hand and dragging the poor man. “Bruce you will never guess who I found!”  
  
“Hey Bruce…” The military man finally spoke, raising his free hand with a sheepish little grin.  
  
It took Bruce about a half a second to compute what he was looking at, “Steve? Wow you…”  
  
Steve tugged his hand free from Tony and rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah… Late bloomer I guess, plus the army helped.”  
  
“Total beefcake right?” Tony leaned and whispered in Bruce’s ear.   
  
Bruce could only shake his head, “Yeah…well fifteen years is a long time, and it’s good to see you doing so well. I see Clint and Natasha finally quit dancing around each other.”  
  
Stark proceeded to groan, “God I know! Not to mention they have like four brats, I don’t think there Tasha’s though…they look too non-threatening. “  
  
“Well children generally are…“ Bruce said looking over to the table to see if he could catch sight of said little ones. He actually liked kids, P.A Betty had a little girl and would often bring her on days she didn’t have a sitter. The child was bright and Bruce enjoyed all of the inquisitive questions and simple wonder. Even over something as simple as a microscope.   
  
  
“They have a Manny too, his names Phil…totally threatening on that count. I think he’s sort of super assassin, like Vin Diesel in that one movie…only way less hot. OH! Apparently Tasha works for the CIA or some thing.” Tony continued on talking at his usual 90 wpm, gesturing with his hands.  
  
“Phil is nice just…enthusiastic, I think.” Steve interjected. “So Bruce I heard about the award you won for um that…science …thing…”  
  
Tony leaned on Bruce’s shoulder, “Isn’t he precious…I want one.”   
  
“Thank you,” Bruce smiled ignoring his eccentric friend, “It wasn’t all me though of course I worked with a great research team and we were all credited. You know, the US Army I hear recently contracted Stark Industries I hear. Maybe you’ll be seeing more of Tony.”  
  
The billionaire clung to his friend, “look at my little wingman…I love you Bruce… In a totally manly way.” He said clapping the scientist on the back. “Anyway! Yep… got a body armor contract. I’m working on a few things to keep our boys in one piece over there. I could use a model if your interested blue eyes.”  
  
Steve blushed and flustered, “Still inappropriate I see…”   
  
“There’s just no hope for some,” Bruce added. 

* * *

  
  
The three chatted for a while, recalling days gone by and present lives. Eventually they caught up with Natasha and Clint; there ‘nanny’ Phil also appeared momentarily with a fussy infant who apparently missed his mother. Turned out Tony was right, the children were not Natasha’s but she loved them anyway. The pair had used a surrogate after some medical issues.   
  
Natasha also hadn’t missed the way Tony was steadily trying to put the make on Steve. “Why don’t you two go find a broom closet?” She commented, the soldier blustering with red tinged ears.   
  
Over all the event was nice and Bruce was glad he chose to attend. Still, he found himself scanning the entry way and the tables every few minuets. Still no sign of his former crush. Although in retrospect, Bruce thought that wasn’t surprising. Loki probably went back to Europe, hell he could have become a model or anything. He had the looks and the class, Bruce excused himself to the refreshments table - mind filled with the past.

* * *

  
“Earth to Bruce…”   
  
Bruce looked up from his math book and across the lunch table to were Tony and Steve sat, the former snapping fingers in his face.   
  
“You remember foods don’t ya Bruce, it’s comprised of chains of carbohydrates, sugars, and lipids…we humans consume it for energy.” Tony said waving a stick of string cheese.   
  
“Leave him be…” Steve said, pencil scratching across the small sketchbook.   
  
Tony snorted and held a carton of milk under the blonds’ nose, “You too string bean. You need all the calcium you can get.”   
Bruce smile watching the flair of red color to tips of Steve’s ears as he took the milk with a hard scowl. “You’re not my father Stark…don’t tell me what to do.”   
  
“Oh but you can call me daddy is you want to sugar lips!” Tony purred, receiving a swift slap to the back of the head when Bucky sad down on the other side of him.   
  
Bruce chuckled as s tray lowered on his left and right as Natasha and Clint made it to the table.  
  
“Oooow! Don’t bruise up the merchandise buckaroo!” Tony pouted.  
  
Barnes gave him a look and set an apple from his own tray over on Steve’s with out saying a word. “Don’t be a prick and I won’t have to.”   
  
“Tall order,” Clint giggled digging into his ‘nacho surprise’. The surprise was that it was edible.   
  
This was Bruce’s little group, it was odd but it all work. The group was going to be getting smaller though, Bucky and Natasha would be graduating this year. Both had plans of military futures of some kind. Steve swore he’d join up after he left, no one had the heart to tell him that if he did he’d probably end up working in an office or commissary.   
  
In a few short years though, when the whole world changed and war would come knocking - they would all wonder about the welfare of their two friends. Hoping and praying they were safe, wherever they were.   
  
For now, though the world was a simpler place.   
  
“Oh god…some one queue up Mambo number 5...” Tony laughed pointing to the lunchroom door.   
  
Sure enough there was Loki walking in with his ‘fan club’   
  
“Darling love, would you mind ever so much fetching my lunch for me?” He said in a saccharin sweet voice to a little brunette who looked like she might faint.   
  
“Of course, I’ll be right back!”  She nearly shouted heading off.   
  
To Loki’s right was another of the schools ‘poplars’ Victor Doom, another stunning young man with dark hair and olive skin. To Loki’s left was Fandral Dashing, as fate would have it the pair knew each other though Fandral was there on exchange where as Loki’s placement was disciplinary.  Fandral was tall and muscular with bland hair and little mustache starting to fuzz his upper lip.  The three of them could literally have anything they wanted just by flashing their charming smiles and saying a few words.   
  
“Gag me with a spoon, can’t those girls see that there just being used…its disgusting.” Steve said wrinkling his nose at the display.   
  
Bruce wasn’t listening, his eyes where on those luscious black curls and high cheekbones. Some where in his head the world had slowed to a crawl and there was a Bush song playing.  Although Loki always seemed like he’d be more of a Tool or Manson fan. The way his pale skin contrasted with a wardrobe of mainly black and occasional matching nails.   
  
There were some rumors that the ravenette had a few piercing too, didn’t that just make Bruce’s mouth go dry thinking about that. 

* * *

  
Bruce shook away the memory sipping at a solo cup of too sweet punch. He was surprised now that he thought about it, he hadn’t thought much about his old crush in years. High school was something you thought of until maybe your third year of college, then your mind was too focused on the there and now. Bruce had been working day and night on his thesis and late nights spent in the old basement lab of the university. Not much time for reflection or anything else for that matter. After that, it was just getting to the next thing, he hadn’t thought much on anything until he’d reconnected with Tony. Even then…Stark was a futurist, not much talk about the ‘good ole days.’  
  
As luck would have it, Bruce’s curiosity of whatever had become of Loki Odinson would soon the sated.

* * *

  
The loud bang of a car backfiring from the parking lot rang out over the voices of a few former cheerleaders singing a long to Britney spears. All eyes turned toward the door to see what was going on. There seemed to be a slight argument just outside with members of the banquet halls security. Finally, the doors opened.  
  
“Bloody hell, I told you oafs I’m suppose to be here…idiots…” A tall lean figure straightens out his leather jacket and smoothed back long black hair that had been ruffled.   
  
Voices whispered around the room

  
 _“Jesus is that Loki…god he looks like shit now.”_  
  
 _“Didn’t you hear? I heard he was in jail for a while, oh yeah…I think he may have killed a guy”_  
  
 _“Gross…I can’t believe I ever liked him.”_  
  
Bruce really wasn’t sure what he was looking at, what could have happened?  
  
  



	3. King of my …camper?

A mans greatest joy, or so  they say- is being king of his castle…or in Loki’s case - camper. The old silver can of an abode was parked in a field behind a small residential neighbor hood. Tucked far enough in the woods off a single dirt road that meandered about six miles to the main road. It wasn’t much but it was rent and utility free. He’d learned the hard way about ‘location..location..location’ after a few citations for squatting and vagrancy.   
  
Loki had also learned how to be resourceful in the last few years. Having wine tastes on a tap water budget can be difficult to say the least. Loki found ways around most things though. His electricity was free, thanks to several industrial extension cords plugged end to end and fed through piping. It had taken him about two weeks to set up the fake utility line. Running the cord to a nearby residence that had a pool house. The home was owned by an elderly couple and they never bothered with any yard work themselves so all Loki had to do was pay off the Gardner and he was fee to plug into the little guest house’s outdoor line. All that cost was a few moments of dignity, not that he had much left anyway.   
  
Necessity is the mother of invention.   
  
As for other needs, he had those covered. Such as doing laundry in aforementioned neighbors pool when they were away visiting their daughter on the weekend (another tip from the gardener). He also found out they left their wifi on, and the pool made a nice backdrop. Updating is social networks with photos of himself poolside in the sunshine made everything appear far grander than it actually was.   
  
Loki was good at that sort of thing, ‘keeping up appearances’. His cell phone was another clever trick, he’d purchased a rather cheep service and free phone then bided his time. Working in a restaurant doing after-hours clean up meant he found lost items frequently, although instead of doing the upstanding thing and turning them in - he pocketed his found spoils.  Therefore, his upgrade was free; simply popping the sim card into another phone.   
  
He was a survivor, he had to be.   
  
Mopping the floors at Chicken hut was the only job he could find after prospective employers conducted a background check.  Turns out his 17-year-old manager doesn’t give a shit about background checks. That kids too busy slathering on proactive or playing bizarre little card games with his other nerdy pals after hours.  Part of Loki wants to hold that kid down and pluck out his eye with a plastic fork. He doesn’t though; he needs those 140 bucks he gets every week after taxes. Also - what a waste of a plastic fork.  
  
In the winter he offers to lock up, not because he cares about giving that little shit stain a break, it’s so he can wash up in the bathroom. Loki tries not to think about it when he takes the travel size stolen bottles of shampoo and conditioner out of his pocket and scrubs his hair in the too small sink.  When it’s warm, he makes his way to the elderly couple’s house and hops the fence to hook up a hose. He found a spot behind the pool house that corners off on three sides, unseen from the main house. Its not ideal but beggars can’t be choosers and he’ll be dammed if he stinks. The open-air cold shower is bracing, everything is given a perfunctory scrub before he dresses and makes his way back to the camper. On Lucky days when the rain is pouring ht stays home and pushes an over sized storage tub outside letting it fill up -throw in some lifted bath fizzers and he’s in 7th heaven. Sometimes  he closes his eyes and pretends he’s in his childhood home in that beautiful claw foot tub.  
   
Food is comprised mostly of what’s left come end of business at the restaurant. One of the kinder servers tends to go and distract the manager, Loki never asked her to of course- he doesn’t need any help and doesn’t want it. Still it’s on opportunity, kind of an unspoken thing. Maybe she noticed how he would quietly pocket the apple pies toward closing.    
  
Now at least he has more time to make a better selection, a zip lock bag is filled with rolls and tucked away in a bag, a few bottles of juice and water; another bag holds fires and a take away box scoops up chicken pieces from various bins. He never takes too much of one thing, it’s always just enough to make someone look at but then dismiss it. By the end of the day, everything’s tossed anyway.  Loki can easily hide his food in a duffel concealed under the rolling cleaning cart. Not that anyone notices a janitor to much as a rule.   
  
Yet man cannot live on fried foods alone, so Loki takes a midnight trip to the residential neighbor hood once a week. A few houses have small vegetable gardens or fruit trees. He’s learned who has dogs or security lights, pocketing a few pieces of chicken can get him past even the fiercest of canines.   
  
“Shows how loyal you are…man’s best friend, if you have food.” Loki mocks tossing a big Doberman named Chef a couple of drumsticks. It’s enough to pacify the animal while he nicks some cucumbers and carrots.    
  
Most of Loki’s cash goes to keeping the old Trans Am running, by now it’s held together with spirit gum and paperclips. It has to work; he has to be able to drive away from this place every now and then. Pretend he’s someone else, go into city into the seedy parts of town and spend the bulk of his paycheck on something to take the pain away.  Loki doesn’t think about this to much, or tries not to.   
  
He’ll stop in some nice stores and try on clothes he can’t afford, taking selfies in the mirrors with a big fake smile. Posting tag lines like “Only 600$ what a barging!”   It’s important that everyone thinks he doesn’t need them, he tells himself he doesn’t…he never needed anyone.   
  
When the invitation for the reunion came, Loki saw it as an opportunity. He’d show up and they would all eat out of his palms like they used to, maybe he could find some desperate divorcee and tell her whatever she needed to hear to let him move in. Maybe some sob story, or play the ‘world traveler out finding himself’ card. If they questioned the car, he could say he hung on to it for sentimental reasons but it was in the possession of a friend while he was abroad. It wasn’t his fault it looked so bad, ‘such good memories’ he’d say wistfully. They’d think him sensitive and eat the act right up.   
If that didn’t work maybe, he could settle for one of the girls who used to fawn over him… one that hadn’t kept herself up. The uglier the better because it would mean she’d be desperate enough to over look his obvious distaste.  Play his cards right and he wouldn’t even have to touch her.   
  
Of course, Loki was overestimating his own quality at this point. He hadn’t really factored in small town gossip. 

* * *

  
Pulling into the parking lot, the Trans Am was smoking like chimney and backfired like cannon. The sound bringing security flocking outside.   
  
“Sir we’re going to have to ask you to leave this is a private event.” one said.   
   
Loki rolled his eyes and slammed the car door shut, “I’m aware, thank you for your concern but I assure you that I am in-fact on the guest list. Perhaps if you were as enthusiastic about twirling that handy little flashlight from your  rent-a-cop kit, as  you were in asking a gentlemen his name prior to accusing him - we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” He smiled sweetly and made to stroll past, head held high as ever.   
  
The guard snorted and grabbed his arm, “Sir I’m going to need some ID then”   
  
Loki spied a few other people walking into the hall. “Oh? Moreover, did you request identification from anyone else? Or is this your way if asking me for my number?” He batted his lashes and leaned into the guard’s space, “for the right price I might let you use those cheap cuffs too.”  
  
Apparently, the security did not take kindly to jokes and Loki found himself manhandled face down on the hood of the Trans Am while one called for back up.   
  
“I told you idiots! My name is Loki Odinson!”  
  
“yeah and that doesn’t sound like a fake name at all.” one man said sarcastically before radioing into reception, “we have ourselves a Mister Odinson, first name Loki claims he…oh…oh he is…shit.”   
  
The guards were then all apologies lifting him back up and walking him inside.  
  
“Bloody hell, I told you oafs I’m suppose to be here…idiots…” Loki said straightening out his leather jacket and smoothing back long black hair that had been ruffled.   
  
Then the whispers started. He refused to care though, just because a few people were against him didn’t mean a thing. There would always be someone willing to kiss his feet.  
  
Until there wasn’t. 

Loki couldn’t even get with in 10ft of anyone whom he recognized; they all averted their eyes and pretended to be busy with conversation.   
  
The gall of them, the petulance…Loki clenched his fists and stood away from the gathering with his back to the wall. This was a mistake; they were all beneath him anyway.  At least the bar was free, he was already formulating a plot to hang around and pinch a few bottles. There was bus boy he spotted that had a uni-brow and an unfortunate overbite, maybe he could flirt with him to get  into one of the vacant rooms of the adjoining hotel.    
  
Anyone could be bought; you just had to know the right currency. 

* * *

  
Loki hadn’t expected anyone to talk to him at least until a well-dressed man stepped up to him.   
  
“Loki? Um…hi I’m sure you don’t remember me but…”  
  
“I don’t” Loki said blankly, god he needed a cigarette.   
  
“Right…ok, well my name is Bruce Banner; we had a few classes together.”    
  
Bruce…Bruce…Bruce…Loki eyed the man, nice shirt and the suit jacket was tailored specifically for him= money lots of it. He smiled tilting his head subtly to the right, “Bruce yes of course how are you.”   
  
The shorter man smiled, nice teeth and the glasses were…quaint.  There was something familiar about him; then again, Loki had large patches of time he couldn’t recall anymore.  Other times he wished he could forget.   
  
“Fine, how are you?” Bruce said, clearly the man wasn’t stupid. He had to have heard what the others were saying.   
  
“Oh you know, here and there, I keep busy.” be vague and smile. Find out what this is, why he would approach unless he wanted something. On the other hand, maybe it’s pity; if it were the later, he would have led with something else rather than introducing himself. People who fancied themselves saviors would have simple assumed Loki remember them, and needed them.  So then, it must be the first. “And you Bruce what are you up to these days?”  
  
The two chatted and Loki played the game, Bruce was kind- too kind. He would be an easy mark to be sure, or maybe that was just a mask to, maybe Bruce wasn’t kind at all. Maybe he was just a friendly monster. Loki had known a few of those and had become one himself. So then there was the question, did he risk it?   
  
Bruce was called away by his friends, all of which were giving Loki a weary glare from a distance. They didn’t trust him, they shouldn’t he was poison. He destroyed everything he touched and infected it with decay.   
  
Maybe it wasn’t worth the risk for either of them.  
  
  



	4. What happened?

Bruce couldn’t get the image of Loki out of his mind, the way the other man’s voice seemed so empty and fake. The way Loki had asked perfectly leading questions. Bruce knew how to spot observation, Loki was picking and choosing their conversations topics and Bruce let him.  
  
As if a child in the dark he followed along, Loki knew what he did, what kind of car he owned, the fact that he’d been abroad a number of times. Loki knew he wasn’t married and part of Bruce suspected Loki even knew why without asking. In a way, it was good to see that the ravenette hadn’t lost his charisma and edge. If anything, time had only served to sharpen that skill.  
  
He was disappointed to find Loki had managed to slip out unseen. Gone again like a thief in the night.  
  
Bruce headed back to his hotel that night with the promise to meet Tony for lunch the next day, not missing the fact that Steve climbed into the passenger side of Tony’s custom painted 1955 Thunderbird. Of course, he brought the Thunderbird, no one could say no to a ride in that car. Though Bruce surmised the classic car would need a thorough cleaning if Tony got what he wanted, and Tony Stark seemed to always get what he wanted.  
  
Poor Steve.  
   
So here, Bruce was alone in his hotel room sitting in front of his laptop with his room service dinner sitting next to him. Munching away as he  
 Looked into Loki’s past. He told himself it was purely curiosity, it wasn’t like its weird to sit and do a deep background hunt on someone you knew 15 years ago and had a painful crush on.  
  
Nope not at all.  
  
The search does however yield results, results Bruce finds pretty difficult to look at. Loki has a rap-sheet, the mug shot looks a few years old and the dates confirm that. Charges begin in 2006 with an arrest for drunken  disorderly, the location was out on the cost in a fairly nice part of the country. The details of the arrest are vague, Loki had a court hearing and was released with a fine and a warning.  In 2007 he was picked up for possession of narcotics at a traffic stop. He was give one year in jail and 6months probation with mandatory drug testing. In 2010 however, Loki must have returned home, given the location of the report - thankfully the authorities across the pond must be kinder with their charges. That record was for  assault and battery, the victim who was not named, later dropped the charges.  Later that same year Loki was picked up state side for being under the influence of a controlled substance, public indecency,  solicitation, and resisting arrest. He received a five year sentence, but was released in  early 2013 for good behavior.    
  
Since then Loki had kept his nose clean - or at the very least was flying under the radar.    
  
Loki’s social media seemed to be a wash of lies, his posts had months and years between. Instances coinciding with jail time where marked with ‘Heading abroad! Bon voyage peasants’  and  ‘ I hear India is lovely this time of year.’  The one post that did seem to have a ring of truth was ‘ Sometimes you really can’t go home…’.  
  
Bruce sat back looking at the screen, there was nothing before 2006 so whatever Loki had done between graduation and when his life fell apart was anyone’s guess. On the upside, it looked like the rumors about Loki killing anyone were not true. Bruce was fairly sure that while the ravenette was volatile, Loki didn’t seem stupid enough to murder anyone. Most of the charges, with the exception of the assault, mostly made Loki a danger to himself rather than others.  
  
That last one…the solicitation, that sent a cold chill down Bruce’s spine. He knew a fancy word for Prostitution when he saw it. He couldn’t judge Loki for it, clearly the man had fallen so far. Still, the idea that the once vibrant and charming young man could be …purchased off the street for by anyone, made his stomach turn.  
  
In his travels for research and volunteer work Bruce had seen the ghettos of third world countries where women and children were sold. He’d seen young men who were half his age propositioning tourists on street corners. Somehow coming home after that always seemed better, seemed brighter and made him thankful for all he had. Maybe it was the nice area he lived in or the fact that he hadn’t lingered out in the city after dark. He always had so much to do and Bruce isn’t exactly a social butterfly. Sure he’d seen news reports he wasn’t an idiot, but something about this…  
His mind could put Loki on some filthy ally way in Bangladesh, with ratted hair and a that fake smile. Taking the hand of some man old enough to be his father and disappearing into a dark hideaway that was lined with grime ridden mattresses and torn sheets.  
  
Bruce shook the thought away, it hurt him to think of such suffering. Loki wasn’t a bad guy, not really…maybe he was just wounded. Banner thought back to the one and only conversation he’d ever had with Loki, trying so hard to pick the clues from his memory were it all went wrong. 

* * *

  
  
It was after his mother had died, Bruce was sitting in the locker room with tears on his face. He’d held them in all day..all week, he just couldn’t anymore. He had thought she’d make it, graduation was just a few weeks away and she said she was feeling better.  
  
People lie, they tell you what makes you feel better to save you from the harsh realities. Just like she lied when he was little, the bruises on her face were always an accident and when they left in the middle of the night - it was just a special trip. When she became sick, she said it was nothing - just a bug. Then it was more and he had to stay with his aunt and cousin, he couldn’t go see her because she didn’t want to upset him. ‘I’ll be better in no time sweetpea, you just wait’ she’d say.  
  
Now she was gone.  
  
Bruce didn’t want to cry in-front of his friends or burden them with his troubles. Tony was having a rough time at home, and if the welts on his back were any indication he was just as skilled a liar as Bruce’s mother had been.  Steve was sick again, be would be graduating this year though, if anyone could understand what its like to lose a parent Steve would. Bruce couldn’t do that to him though. Natasha and Bucky were away at basic training and Clint struggling with out his best friend.  Bruce didn’t want to add to their pain with more of his own.  
  
So there he sat, huddled in a corner sniffling into his jeans. He hadn’t even heard the door open or the foot steps approach until it was to late.  
  
“Are you alright? Are you hurt?”  
  
Bruce looked up and was horrified to see his crush not two feet way.  Loki was in his gym uniform, all lean muscle and hair damp with sweat. He must have been here alone running around the track on the 2nd floor. Bruce hadn’t thought anyone was there, being the last week of classes the gym courses had concluded.  
  
He wiped at his eyes and  tried his best to look like some semblance of a human being,  “yes ..I mean no…I mean…well yes I’m alright and no I’m not hurt…yeah..”  
  
Loki nodded and looked around, “Why are you here, hiding in the lavatory?”  
  
“I’m not hiding..”  
  
A skeptical raise of the eyebrow preceded Loki taking a seat, “Right, and this is just such a lovely place to relax what with the ode-de gym sock aroma.”  
Bruce felt like a fool, “I just wanted to be alone.”  
  
“I can’t blame you there.” Loki added.  
  
Bruce wanted to leave, to get up and not say another word, not make himself look any more pathetic. Some how though when he looked over into those oddly sympathetic pools of green he found himself unable to contain the words.  
  
“My mothers dead”  he blurted out.  
  
They both just sat there with the phrase hanging between them, distantly the staccato drip of one of the leaky faucets was the only accompaniment to this already awkward moment.  
  
Finally, “I’m sorry.” Loki said, he looked down and away. Bruce thought that would be the end of it but it wasn’t.  “For your loss, I’m very sorry…I do miss my mother or.. well I miss the woman who raised me. My real mother is dead as well, I’m …adopted.”  
  
“Thanks..”  
  
After a few more beats of quiet Loki stood up, “Well, I should go… change and head home. The buses have all gone, do ..do you have a car or perhaps you might need a lift?”  
  
Any other day Bruce would have jumped at a chance like this, but this wasn’t any other day. “I’m fine, I walk mostly. It’s not far.” 

* * *

  
That was the last and only time they had spoken in three years. At graduation Loki meet his eyes just once with a little nod and a smile. Then…he was gone. 


	5. Maybe I like chicken.

A month later Bruce was just passing through on his way back from a conference (even if it might have been slightly…a lot out of his way), he had stayed in the same hotel as last time and thought more about his last visit. The reunion and of course Loki, he remembered someone had said something about Loki working at a place called ‘ Chicken Hut’, it didn’t sound four star…not even one and a half but Bruce was hungry and thought ‘what the hell.’  
  
If he happened to see Loki again then maybe they could chat, if not… well, maybe the chicken wouldn’t give him food poisoning. That last one was a big maybe. 

* * *

  
Chicken hut…well the name didn’t inspire thoughts of a fine dining experience. The clientele seemed even less assuring, as Bruce stepped into the fast food disaster he noticed a tired looking woman currently smoking a cigarette with three screaming children around her, one in a car seat placed on the tabletop. The other two toddlers who looked barely a year apart where finger painting on each other with ketchup and mustard. The Mother seemed to just be over trying at this point.   
  
Next was a rather large man happily chatting on his phone while scarfing down a  bucket of chicken. Talking far too loud about someone named ‘Brandie Lyn’ and how she gave full body massages in only her bikini. More of a mental picture than Bruce ever needed that way.   
  
So far there was no sign of Loki, but he was already here so might as well have lunch. Maybe he would be pleasantly surprised; so far, the smell from the back of the restaurant seemed promising. At least Bruce was up on his tetanus shot just incase.   
  
“Welcome to chicken hut! What can I get for you today?” A cheerful young woman greeted him at the register.   
  
Bruce eyed the faded pictures of the menu just behind her, “Sweet tea, and the Chicken Caesar salad.”   
  
She punched in the order, “Would you like anything from our desert menu? We have personal fruit pies, soft serve ice cream and brownies.”   
  
“I’ll think on that.”   
  
The girl nodded and rang up the ticket, “That will be $ 4.25, you’re order will be ready shortly.”  
  
So far, the service and price wasn’t bad, if the place had been updated, they might do a bit better. All and all it wasn’t as horrible as it sounded.  
  
It was just when the young cashier was bringing up his tray did the trouble start.  
  
There was an argument going on in the back and Bruce knew that accent anywhere.

* * *

  
“I know its you! Just confess Loki!”   
  
That zit crusted little upstart… maybe his testicles had finally descended  because he was up in Loki’s face having a conniption.  
  
“I don’t know what your referring to, I come here I do my job I leave.” He wasn’t going to lose his cool just yet, that’s what the teen wanted.   
  
The boy sneered “you must think I’m stupid, I know about you freak. Everybody in town knows about you, but I want to be a franchise owner and I can’t have the DM coming in here and finding shit like this!” Raging the youth held out a trashcan, inside was a discarded needle. “And the change jar by the register was stolen!”   
  
Loki crossed his arms with a bored expression, “Is that all? That is circumstantial at best don’t you think? How do you even know what the content of that syringe was? Are you a forensic analyst? Do you have a CSI kit tucked away in that horrible little Pokemon backpack you cling to?  As for a jar of petty cash and coin, how do you know if one of your little snot nosed mates didn’t nick it?”  
  
Of course Loki knew he stole it, he also knew what was in that needle. This little idiot didn’t though, and Loki doubted the boy had the courage required to question him any further. True, Loki wasn’t nearly as strong as he used to be - but he could fake it. He had a good half a foot on the gangly teen and a glare that could turn fire to ice.   
  
The boy shifted away under his gaze, good perhaps that would be the end of it. “Now if you will excuse me, some of us have actual work to attend to.”   
  
“You’re fired.”   
  
…….  
……Had he just…  
  
Loki’s eyes flashed somewhere between pure rage and internal fear. “WHAT!”   
  
The youth faltered taking a few steps back, “You…You’re fired, get out. Leave your badge and keys in the office; get your stuff and go.”   
  
The ravenette face twisted, “Fire me…Fire me. Why you impudent little shit! You want this badge? You want it?” Loki tore off his nametag, holding it in a white-knuckle grip. “I should use it to peel the skin of your fucking skull you useless twit!”    
  
By now the cashier, the kind girl she was came running into the back. “Loki please don’t! He’s not worth it, please just go quietly.”  
  
“I…I’ll call the cops!” The pimple faced manager squeaked from where he was cowering in front of the fryer.   
  
Loki snorted and tossed both the nametag and his keys into the hot oil the splash freighting a squeal out of his former employer, “Fish them out.” he said tersely and turned on his heel. 

* * *

  
Bruce watched Loki come tearing out of the back tossing an apron to the floor and slinging a duffel over one shoulder before announcing to the restaurant. “We have rats, big ones…so mind the dark meat!”   
  
A few patrons choked and pushed away their food, swiftly losing their appetite.   
  
“Loki.”  
  
The ravenette turned and looked the doctor up and down before recognition fell over his face, even that twisted back into a scowl. “Bruce, how fortunate for you to witness my even further spiral into horrid obscurity. Going to tweet about it and congratulate all the rest of your well to do peers.” He snapped passing through the double doors.   
  
Bruce was hot on his heels, “No that… No, I just heard you worked here so I thought I’d come see if the food was any good the next time I was in town. “He paused watching as Loki came around the driver’s side of the Trans Am. The former glorious vehicle now sported duct tap and plastic over the back passenger window, the driver’s side door was now red and not green like the rest of the car, along with a white front bumper.   
  
Loki cursed and kicked at the door before the handle finally cooperated. The inside of the vehicle was a mess of clothing and papers, below the steering column wires hung free. Loki half lay in the front seat attempting to start the car by meddling in the wires. His work was to no avail, the engine only sputtered and creaked.   
  
“FUCK! FUCK FUCK!” The taller man shrieked sliding out of the seat and onto the pavement. Hands mussing through his hair until the once sleek black locks where now a rats nest shrouding his face.  
  
Bruce shifted in his expensive loafers, “um… would you like a ride home?”   
  
Loki didn’t glace up at all murmuring a defeated “yes.” into his arms.   
  
“Ok, I’ll …I’ll just pull over here.” Bruce stepped away figuring Loki would need a few moments to collect himself. He watched from his rental car until the other man regained his footing and slammed the door shut. Taking that as a sign to pull his rental car along side. 

* * *

  
The ride was a silent one, Loki scooted himself as far to the right side of the seat as possible. As if his presence would some how sully the nice vehicle. He directed Bruce turn for turn down past the residential neighborhood.   
  
For a moment, Bruce thought perhaps Loki wasn’t as bad off as it appeared. Maybe he lived in one of the small brick homes, or maybe even a small rental cottage that they had passed. However, Loki told him to keep driving and the landscape grew woodsier. It was beautiful, Bruce always liked nature, and maybe Loki had a small cabin or something.   
  
“Stop here.” The pulled up to a chain link fence barring a dirt road.   
  
“You seem to have a long drive, are you sure you don’t want me just to take you up to the house?”   
  
Loki hesitated and his face pinked a fraction, “No, that will not be necessary.” He said before getting out.   
  
Bruce watched Loki toss his duffel over the fence and then proceeded to scale the link wire himself. Something told him there wasn’t a nice little cabin at the end of this road. 

* * *

  
When Bruce returned to his hotel, he started to pack. He’d needed to return the rental in the morning for his flight tomorrow afternoon. He needed to let this concern for Loki go.   
  
“He doesn’t want help…I don’t even know him that well.” Bruce said aloud. Maybe if he said it enough he could forget, he could go back to his life and forget that pathetic crush he felt so long ago. He wasn’t a needy teenager anymore, and Loki wasn’t the dream prince charming he used to envision.   
  
“I just need to go home.”   
  
  



	6. Burn baby burn

It was cold that night; fall was giving way to winter. In this part of the country that would mean snow, sooner rather than later.  Now he didn’t even have a job or money, it would be too cold to wash outside and more than likely too cold inside his meager shelter. Loki thought maybe if he covered the few windows, it would be warmer. Last winter he broke into the donation drop off at a local church and took a few blankets, and coats.   
  
He was too proud to come back during the day and take the hand out the prospect of having to sit through a sermon didn’t appeal to him.   
  
As far as Loki was concerned if there was a God, HE didn’t care about the prayers of a sinner like him. Maybe there was such a thing as being too unclean.   
  
Loki tried not to dwell on thoughts like that; if he did, he would remember his mother, her sweet voice singing hymns in the kitchen when he was young. They didn’t regularly attend church but she was spiritual in way, he remembered the photos she had of her self as a young woman with her long hair topped with a ring of flowers and colorful symbols painted on her jeans.   
  
The ravenette shivered and hunkered down in the blankets, thinking about the small baggy and paraphernalia in the zip back just a few feet away. Maybe then, he’d feel warm, or not care for a while. Loki shook the thought away, he would need it later. With no money and now the Car was misbehaving he’d need it just to get going in the morning. He couldn’t deal with the shakes that would eventually come if he didn’t ’feed the beast’.   
  
Loki decided instead he could sacrifice the electricity to the mini fridge at least over night and plug in the small heater. Its not as if he had anything in there that would parish, a few bottles of water, some left overs he’d managed to nab from the restaurant the day before.  He had a box of can goods he was currently using for a night table. He ran over the number of his provisions and guessed he had maybe a weeks worth of water if he only drank it moderately. Food, if he limited himself maybe a month.  
  
Some of his more expensive luxuries might have to take a backseat, though he could go out and find money for that if the urge became to over whelming after he‘d used the last of what he had, after all - he could use an escape right now.   
  
Loki sighed and crawled out of the makeshift bed of sleeping bags and discarded motel pillows. Unplugging the small fridge and switching on the tiny space heater. He gave the tiny unit a few good slaps to get it going. The coils behind the old rusted grid glowing a pleasant orange.   
  
“At least I won’t freeze.” He muttered and stumbled back over to his little nest of warmth. Tomorrow he’d look for work, or at least walk back to the restaurant and see if he could get his car to start. If it did, he could drive across town and see if any of Ronan’s boys needed ‘extra company’ at least then he’d have money for gas to look for a new job. 

* * *

  
Bruce was headed out to the airport an hour early; with security and baggage check, he assumed he would be in for a long wait. He didn’t know why he took a few extra turns driving the long way around, of course, that was a lie - he waned to check on Loki just once more.  The airport would still be there and he’d still be hours early. One little detour wouldn’t hurt.   
  
Taking a left Bruce noticed fire trucks up a head and a plume of smoke from some where in the woods. That’s when he realized where they were, the access road to where he’d let out Loki.   
  
Bruce slowed down and spotted Loki sitting on ambulance tailgate. The ravenette was shrouded in a blanket with a mask over his face. An EMT attempted to get him to lie down but it looked as if the proud man was having none of that.  Waving the woman off before tossing the oxygen mask.  Bruce hadn’t realized he stopped the car until he was already unfastening his seatbelt.   
  
“What am I doing…?” He questioned himself in the rearview mirror. His reflection had the same puzzled expression. “I’m insane…that’s what is… this is a mid live crisis and I’m loosing my mind.” He said climbing out of the car before jogging over.   
  
“Sir, we’re going to have to ask you to step back.” a police officer intercepted the scientist.   
  
“He’s …a friend of mine, “Bruce offered gesturing over to where Loki was having a disagreement with another EMT.  
  
The cop looked back and tilted his hat, “That so, were you aware that your friend was squatting in the woods? You know he could have died, he’s just lucky the family who owns this land isn’t going to press charges.”  
  
Loki was homeless…didn’t that just rip right into Bruce’s heart. Some where in the back of his mind he could hear his aunt’s voice every time he brought home a stray cat or dog. ‘I know you want them to have a home but you can’t save them all’ she’d say. Then she’d let him bathe the poor creature and feed it, give it a good nights sleep and then they would take it to a local vet or shelter to try and help find the animal a new home.   
  
This wasn’t a stray cat though; this was a human being who could very well end up dead on the street. So yeah, maybe Bruce had lost his mind. “Don’t worry officer, I’ll be sure he’s taken care of and realizes how serious this could have been.”   
  
The officer let him pass and Bruce called out as soon as he was with in earshot, Loki glanced his way a bit surprised but said nothing. One of the EMT’s meet Banner half way with an exasperated sigh, “Are you here for him? He wanted us to let him go, said he had somewhere to go.”  
  
Bruce looked over the woman’s shoulder; chances are Loki was lying to her. By ‘place to go’ likely meant back to the Trans Am and from there who knew. Likely, the ravenette would take up residence in the car until he found somewhere else secluded enough to tuck away. The doctor wasn’t that good of a lair, but technically, he wasn’t lying, “Yeah, sorry it took me so long. How is he?”   
  
“He’s stubborn; he had some burns on his arms and legs. What worried me is smoke inhalation, he is showing some signs - coughing, difficulty breathing. Unfortunately, he’s denying medical treatment so there isn’t much we can do. I’d suggest you watch him and if he shows any signs of headache or confusion take him to the ER.”   
  
“Yes, of course, and thank you.” Bruce gave her his best smile and moved over to wear Loki was sitting.   
  
“Bruce…” The ravenette spoke hoarsely before sipping at an offered bottle of water.  
  
The doctor looked around and smiles, this may not be his best performance but…here goes nothing. “Loki, Thank god you’re alright. Come on I will take you back to ….Bobs, I’m sure he’s worried sick!”  Wasting no time, he hooked the taller man by the arm and tugged him along.   
  
Loki stumbled slightly having no shoes on; he leaned close to Banners ear before speaking, “Bob? Really? That’s the best you could come up with…I'm a little disappointed.”   
  
“Be happy I came by here at all.”  
  
The pair made it to Bruce’s car, the slighter man noticing Loki’s limp and wheezing by the time he sat down. Bruce frowned; he knew there was no way he could force Loki to do anything though. “So you wanna tell me what happened?”   
  
“Not particularly. You may take me to my car, you have me apologies as well for any unfortunate stains that might find their way on your passenger seat.”  
  
Bruce snorted and rested his forehead on the wheel of a moment, “I don’t care about the car, and if you think I’m just going to leave you in some parking lot at the ass crack of dawn you’re wrong.” He said, twisting the key with a bit more force than necessary.   
  
“Well you don’t have much of a choice, it’s either a parking lot or the side of the road….I don’t have anywhere else to go.” Loki muttered looking out of the widow as they pulled away.   
  
He knew he was going to regret this, he already did… “Then come with me.”   
  
   
  



	7. He cleans up nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: sorry if this seems short, I have been stressed lately. Also warning for a masturbation scene at the end of this chapter.

Loki refused to go to a clinic or ER; of course he did because that would have meant actually admitting he needed help of any kind. (God knows that was not going to happen.) Despite the fact that the ravenette looked not only thin but also worn and the cough he was currently sporting was worrisome as well.   
  
 Bruce had to think on his feet, he could not have Loki trying to board a plane in the state he was in, so instead the scientist stopped at a gas station and picked up pair of sweat pants, flip-flops and a t-shirt. Loki changed in the rest room and came out still looking just as haggard but his clothes were clean. So at least one thing could be check off Banner’s new to-do list. Now if they could manage to make it back to his home in one piece. 

* * *

  
Airport personnel did give them odd looks when Bruce inquired about purchasing a second ticket at the last minuet. Thankfully it wasn’t a crowded flight so the ticket it self wasn’t a problem. A member of security did ask Bruce if ‘his friend was alright’. Seeing the ravenette looking miserable half curled in a chair. Loki hadn’t moved or said much aside from the muffled coughs, the entire time.   
  
The doctor faked a laugh and waved his hand, “Not a morning person.” The excuse as flimsy as it was seemed to work. They made it through baggage check and the necessary security measures. Loki did have a coughing spell that earned them both some stares from their fellow passengers. Nevertheless, Bruce himself looked harmless enough that no one seemed to question anyone in his company.  
  
The plane arrived ahead of schedule and so the passengers were able to board early, Bruce was thanking any every entity he could think of as he ushered a listless Loki through the terminal and onto the plane.   
  
“First time flyer?” The steward inquired pointing over to Loki who now was looking pale and even more annoyed.   
  
Bruce just nodded to her and asked if they could have some water and maybe a blanket. She smiled kindly at the request and headed of toward the back the plane to procure the items.   
  
“You should have let me take you to the hospital.” Bruce fretted and drew a small pen light from the breast pocket of his sport coat. He wasn’t that kind of doctor but he knew enough basic first aid to at least make sure Loki wasn’t in any immediate danger.   
  
The irate man slapped at the doctors hands, “I will not expire before we land!” His tirade cut short with a bought of coughing.   
  
Bruce raised an eyebrow, “I didn’t ask, I’m telling. So you sit still and let me make sure of that.”  
  
Loki was just too tired to argue any more so he allowed himself to be given the once over. “Satisfied?” he groaned, curling up in the warm blanket offered by the steward.   
  
“Not really, as soon as we get back you’re taking a shower and getting cleaned up. After that, I want to see any of the mild burns and make sure they’ve been properly tended to. Then you’re getting some actual sleep.”  
  
“I could be getting some now.” Loki said cracking open one eye and glaring at Bruce. 

* * *

  
Touch down brought a groggy Loki ambling out of the airport, trailing behind Bruce as a faithful duckling. Maybe he was just more cooperative when semi conscious. Either way it made retrieving Bruce’s care from the parking garage easier.    
  
Bruce helped Loki into the back seat where the ravenette sprawled out and went back to sleep. Which was just as well, leaving Bruce in silence to enjoy driving from the airport out of the city and to his home? He always felt better once he was in his own vehicle, there’s something strange about driving a rental. Maybe its because you feel like you have to be on your best behavior.  Not that Bruce was a poor driver; he hadn’t even gotten a parking ticket in years. Nope, Banner was the kind of guy who perfectly obeyed the rules of the road, never forgot to signal, and even vacuumed out his seats once a month.   
  
Speaking of seats, Bruce glanced in the mirror at Loki - the Ravenette was on his side facing the back seat. The steady rise and fall of the thin male’s chest was at least mildly comforting. Bruce concentrated back on the road and squeezed the wheel a bit tighter. “Just a little further.” 

* * *

  
Loki blinked with wide - slightly bloodshot eyes. “You…live here?” He spun around in the foyer with its vaulted ceilings. Bruce’s Home was modern in design and southwestern in color pallet. It suited the area, as they were between the mountains and the desert. It was quite a drive to the city but one Bruce considered being worth it.  He was a private man and appreciated the silence.   
  
“Yes? Well… mostly, I do research at the teaching hospital and on occasion stay in an apartment that’s closer. I stay there when there’s a lot of work or I’m doing lectures in the summer.” Bruce replied, gently guiding the taller man from the entry way and through the seating area. “The kitchen is just over there, I have a pool but…to be honest the only one who uses it much is Betty and her daughter. She’s a friend of mine and sort of an assistant. You will meet her later. Stairs are just to your right, take a left and there’s a guest room at the end of the hall.”  
  
The two parted for the evening, Bruce offered food but the guest room door was firmly locked. The plate was left, before retiring he peeked in the hall to see a now empty plate in its place. At least Loki was eating, that was one good thing. Bruce gave up on getting a look at any injuries the ravenette may have. It simply wasn’t worth the fights. 

* * *

  
The following  morning came sooner than  Bruce would have liked. For a few blessed moments he reflected on the night before as if it had all been a dream. Surely he’s not crazy enough to invite a homeless man he hasn’t seen in ten years to come live with him…right.   
  
However, that dream was real and he had done just that. The proof, Bruce found - was a naked towel wearing Loki in his kitchen.   
  
“I had no other clothes.”  Was the ravenette thinking behind why this was perfectly normal. Standing at the range  placing a kettle on.    
  
Of course Bruce turned a tinge pink and hurried off to find something. Anything. Resulting in a pair of old shorts and an under shirt. Nothing fancy but Loki didn‘t seem to notice.   
  
The doctor couldn’t get the morning image out of his head though, all that pale lean skin. Too lean, if he was thinking about it objectively. Still the poise from all those years ago was still there.  Bruce could not look the other man in the eye at this point. “Well um…I will be down in my lab, if you need me I have an intercom system set up.“ he motioned to the small touch screen on the wall. “ Just ..Touch the button that says lab and then call and yeah…um. Yep.”   
  
Loki titled his head as Bruce vanished from the kitchen, he thought to call after the man to see if he might like some tea but decided against it. Bruce was kind of weird, nice but weird. He inspected the little touch pad before snatching the offered clothes up from the kitchen island to go change. “Seems things are looking up, pool side estate with the latest innovations. Well better than sleeping in a dumpster.” He said to himself.  
  
Things were indeed looking up for Loki, though they were looking…up in a different sense for Bruce.   
  
Currently pacing in the lab, he couldn’t stop the rising heat in his face. This was his every wet dream as a teenager…well minus the homeless part. Definitely the naked Loki part though.   
  
How many times had young Bruce woken up in sweat soiled sheets and sticky boxers, all from dreaming of the elegant boy with the even more elegant accent?    
  
“He needs help not me staring at him.” Bruce tried to convince himself, he was doing this for reasons other than a strange nostalgic attachment. However, if Loki had been a stranger, Bruce knew he would have never gone this far. The fact was some small part of the good doctors brain still felt like that inept teenager staring at the school god from a-far. Dreaming about what all of that skin would look like laid bare, what it would feel like under his fingertips, what it would taste like under his tongue.   
  
“…fuck my life.” Bruce groans falling into his office chair.  He glanced down completely affronted by the tenting in his slacks. “This is your entire fault.”   
  
He could ignore it…really should, but he was in  his own home for god sakes! That little voice in his brain whispered, “no one will know, I bet Loki even did it in your shower last night.”   
  
God didn’t that mental image just ruin him for life. Therefore, with a sign and complete resignation he griped the turgid mound through his constricting trousers. Giving himself a squeeze, maybe he could talk his brain out of it…Loki was upstairs and had been going through so much. It was incredibly selfish and wrong to be thinking about him like this.   
  
Then why was he unzipping his fly right now… fuck you charity and kindness.  
  
So maybe Bruce wasn’t the sweet unassuming person everyone saw. He was man just like another, he watched porn, he jerked off, and he even read erotica from time to time. He was single and that was all perfectly aloud, even if cranking one out to your high school  crush just a floor above you- didn’t sound nearly as legit out loud as it did in his head.   
  
No one has to know.   
  
You can wallow in self-loathing after, but right now.. “ Oh shit…yeah..” He muttered biting his lip with working up a nice pace. Pausing only to kick open a file cabinet drawer and retrieve a well hidden bottle of lube.  So sue him, he spends a lot of time down here.   
  
“Ah…damn ..” scooting down in the chair and tilting his head back with eyes screwed firmly shut. It had been a while so Bruce knew this wasn’t exactly going to take long.  Not with the images his brain was throwing out left and right.   
  
Long black hair, bowed lips, green eyes, those legs, and if Bruce thought particularly hard he thought he might have caught a glimpse of a tattoo on Loki’s ribs. Something small was scrawled just below his left pectoral. Sure it was only in instant of seeing the shirtless man but it was enough. Enough to leave Bruce wanting to see more, enough to have his hips chanting up into his closed fist like some out of luck frat boy.   
  
It happened quickly, more so than any man would want to admit to. The glorious rush when his whole body tensed and relaxed, coating his knuckles in cum.   
  
Yeah…no one had to know.  
  
“Bruce?” The intercom came to life and nearly had the scientist jumping out of his skin,   
  
“W-what!”   
  
“Um…is it a bad time?” Loki asked   
  
Bruce grabbed for his spare lab coat wiping his hand, need to launder that now. “ No, sorry…you just surprised me.” understatement of the century, tucking himself away thankful that he never bothered adding a camera system to the intercoms.   
  
“I can’t seem to locate your remote control.”  
  
Bruce would need more than just hand sanitizer to wash away the shame he felt at the moment, “Oh, its.. well I don’t have one in a traditional sense. There should be a tablet on the coffee table, there’s a remote app. It’s easy to use.”  
  
There was a pause, “I see it… carry on then.” The intercom switched off and Loki was gone.


	8. What do you want, really?

As the days passed, Bruce noticed a lot more about his impromptu roommate, for one Loki’s behavior.   
  
He was increasingly agitated and aggressive, his temper was short and he looked physically ill. When Bruce would ask Loki would simply evade and disappear to his room.  Loki also had a habit of being semi nude around him, which made life significantly more difficult for Bruce. However, when Betty came to the house Loki would again disappear.   
  
Banner’s assistant compared the ravenette to a cat saying “when their feral it takes them a while to warm up to people.” Bruce wanted to correct her, but the more he thought about it the more he considered she might be right.   
  
How long had it been since anyone good had been a constant in Loki’s day to day life? How long had it been that he felt safe around anyone?   
Therefore, Bruce set out to show Loki that life could be better, little did he know what his kindness would get him in return and what other sad truths about Loki he would find out as a result.

* * *

  
Bruce was cooking when Loki sauntered in, the redness from the superficial burns was now almost undetected able but Loki still seemed to be having issues. The doctor was starting to doubt they were side effects from the fire; they seemed more like the beginnings of withdrawal. However, he didn’t want to push the subject and agitate Loki, it would be best to let the other man feel comfortable enough to come to him for help - on his own time.   
  
“Hello Bruce.” The name purred behind his ear, suddenly Loki was against his back and the slighter man felt surrounded. This was another thing Loki had taken to doing. Bruce wasn’t sure if it was attraction or just a way for Loki to pass the time by seeing how uncomfortable it made him.   
  
“Evening Loki, would you mind getting out some plate? I’m almost done.”  
  
There was a heavy sigh and then the weight disappeared. Next, the plates thumped none too delicately on the table.   
  
“Why.”  
  
Bruce turned from the dish at the question. “Why what?”  
  
“Why are you doing all of this?” Loki demanded, arms crossed and stare set to kill.  
  
“I’m helping you because you needed some help. If you don’t want it anymore that’s fine, you’re not a prisoner”   
  
Loki’s face smoothed out and a grin curled on his lips, it wasn’t a nice smile it was more like disgust had been twisted into joy. “Oh, but maybe you like the ‘prisoner’ theme do you doctor.” He said standing up the ravenette began to unbutton his shirt. “Tell me, doctor…what are you really after? I can give it to you, we could come to a little arrangement you and I.”  
  
“Loki …no wait …” Bruce turned off the range and placed his hands over the taller mans in hopes to stop the sudden striptease. “Look I’m not …I didn’t bring you here to try and get anything from you.”  
  
“Don’t Lie Banner, it doesn’t suit you. I see how you look at me; hungry…you want to fuck me don’t you? Or have me fuck you?” Loki said taking another step and forcing Bruce to back up into the counter-top. He presses their bodies together. “I could, you help me… I help you, which is how this works right. I could scratch that itch of yours just right.” He purred into the doctor’s ear.   
  
“No Loki, that’s not how this works.” Bruce looked completely horrified. “I’m sorry if other people have made you think that but that’s not who I am.”   
  
Loki snatched his hands way, “That’s how everyone is! Do you think I’m stupid? That you would just bring me here out of the goodness of your heart?  That’s not how the world works, it’s a black filthy place and I have seen the gutters under all the gilding. So just, tell me what you want!  I’m sick Bruce….I don’t have time for these games! I need….”  
  
“I know what you need Loki but I’m not going to be the one that funds it.” It hurt to say, but Bruce had to lay the law down now.   
  
“Fine…you said I could leave, and then I will. You think you’re the only pathetic shell of man I can find in this town? No, trust me Bruce I have been around and I know an easy mark when I see one! You like to pretend to be so worldly and smart…you’re just the same little boy crying in the fucking loo!”  Loki shouted eyes wild.  
  
Bruce thought Loki didn’t remember him, but then… “Say whatever you want, I’m not even going to say your wrong. I know that I’m sad and alone, but I’m not the only one. Now if excuse me, I’m going to eat my dinner and your welcome to join me.”    
  
“Fuck you…” Loki seethed storming out of the kitchen.   
  
The sound of the front door slamming didn’t worry the scientist. Loki didn’t have any keys so it wasn’t as if he could get far. More than likely, he’s come back in few moments, an hour tops. Meanwhile Bruce would do his best not to think too much on what was said. Because if he had…well. There was that bottle of wine Betty had given him for his birthday that might do well to stay sealed rather than become a crutch for hurt feelings.  
_____________________________________________  
It was 3am and Loki was still gone, Bruce had gone out once to drive up and down the road looking for him but found no sign. He prayed the angry man hadn’t wandered out into the wilds. He didn’t even know if Loki had shoes on.   
  
All he did know was that there was an ill man who was emotionally unstable and possibly looking for a fix wandering around in the middle of the night, and it terrified him. Loki had said Bruce was an easy mark, but the doctor wondered if Loki realized that he himself was one too?  
Anyone could have picked up the ravenette, and done anything to him.  
 Bruce was a man of numbers and he knew statistical Loki was in a group of people who went missing and often because of extreme violence or death. He didn’t want Loki to be yet another name in a folder - left to collect dust in a police department until someone hiker discovers remains.   
  
Thankfully, Bruce’s phone rang. The caller ID was the local police and for a brief terrifying moment, Bruce thought he would have to go identify a body.   
  
“Doctor Banner? This is Sheriff Logan; we have a Loki Odinson down here in the drunk tank. Says he knows you?”  
  
“Yes… yes he does, is he alright?” The relief was nearly instant. Loki was safe, even if he ended up being arrested.   
  
There was a brief pause before the gruff voice came back on the line, “Yeah, but I’m gonna level with ya doc. He’s got a lil more than whiskey in him I think. We pulled him out of a fight in front of Banshee Pub, that Irish son-of a bitch Cassidy, had your pal down in the parking lot beatin him shitless. Don’t know what he said but I gather Loki has a mouth on him. You want him to dry out or you wanna come get him?”  
  
“Thank you Logan, I’ll be there soon to come and get him. Will there be any charges filed?”  
  
“Nah, he came out on the rougher end, that’s punishment enough.”  
  
Bruce snatched up his keys and tore out of the drive. They needed to do something about this and fast and Bruce was starting to believe he might not be equipped to be the one to help Loki.

* * *

  
For once, Bruce didn’t mind how people in town knew who he was. That good faith in his name was the only thing standing between Loki and jail time. If they hadn’t Loki would be in serious trouble with his record.   
  
The car ride was mostly silence. Bruce wanted to ask why but looking over at the battered and bruised man riding shotgun - the point just seemed moot.   
  
Instead, once they were home Bruce asked to check him over.   
  
“No.” the answer was as flat as the dead eyed stare the taller man wore.    
  
Bruce decided then it just wasn’t worth the fight tonight. Maybe tomorrow cooler heads would be able to prevail; he just knew something had to give because Loki was not in a good place. If anything he was spiraling.   
  
He watched silently as the ravenette limped off to his room and the door slammed shut. Bruce spent quite a while just standing there looking at the closed door, listening to the soft almost undetectable sobs. They were there though, breathy hiccups that were perhaps being muffled by trembling hands or a pillow.    
  
God how he wanted to go wreath that door open and tell Loki he didn’t have to do this alone. No one…should ever do this alone. Bruce knew what it was like hold that much grief behind walls. To pretend to be so unaffected, no one could live like that because eventually the wall crumbles and when it does there is nothing but devastation left behind.  Bruce was fortunate to have friends like Betty, Tony and his cousin Jen when his walls came down.   
  
Loki had no one, there was a story there and the doctor hoped that one day Loki might feel comfortable enough to tell him. To tell anyone. 


	9. Stop wasting your time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: I was listening to “Echo - by Jason Walker ” and while I was working on this

It doesn’t rain often, but when it does it pours, there’s a kind of magic about watching the heavens open above the arid landscape. The way the blues and grays bled into a horizon of gold, red, and orange. Any other day, it would have been beautiful, any other day- he would have picked out a good book, cracked the sliding door to breath in the earthy bouquet of wet earth, and let the patter of rain lull him to sleep.   
  
Not today.  
  
 Maybe Bruce should have taken the gathering storm clouds as some kind of sign. The flickering among clusters of cumulonimbus - a prelude.   
  
The scientist stood before the floor to ceiling windows watching the morning sky fill with rolling clouds of gray. A silent streak of lightning dancing across the sky before a boom of thunder shakes the house. He hadn’t bothered with switching on the lights, in favor of the bluish haze that flooded in from the expanse of glass. There was something about days like this, it didn’t seem right to taint with man made light.   
  
Bruce held his coffee cup under his nose a moment still regarding the horizon before taking a sip. He had not seen Loki this morning and that was no surprise. He left food and pain relievers by the ravenette bedroom door, checking back a half an hour later to see the plate gone - he assumed the offering had been accepted.   
  
They needed to talk, it wasn’t going to be pretty but something had to give. Bruce couldn’t just sit by and watch a human being waste away. Maybe none had cared before, but he cared now so Loki would just have to deal with it.   
  
“I’m leaving…I thought you should know.”  Loki’s voice interrupted his thoughts. The slender man had managed to make it this far through the house completely silent. “You’ve done all you can. I can find my own way… hitchhiking is not terribly difficult. I will do my best to refrain from being arrested while in this state and should my efforts prove futile…I assure you I will not mention your name again.”  
  
He couldn’t be serious. “Loki… I’m all for you finding a way back to independence but you can’t honestly think that hitch hiking when you literally have nothing is a good idea.”  Bruce said setting his cup down on a near by table.   
  
Loki would not meet his eyes. “I do not have to explain myself to you.”  
  
“I think you do. Loki I’m worried about you.”  
  
The pale mans fists clenched at his sides. “Then STOP. Who are you to worry about me! You have not seen me in over a decade… you do not even know me!”  
  
Bruce slowly approached, “Even if I don’t know you now. I knew you then, and I don’t know what happened but I think you’re better than this.”  
  
“Better than this?” Loki scoffed motioning to himself. “Normally I would be inclined to agree but right now I am done in… I do not have the energy nor will to refute what this looks like. I honestly cannot bring myself to care what you think of me.” He snuffled and scrubbed his hands over hollowed cheeks.  “I am not some project Bruce, your intentions I’m sure are admirable… but I cannot be saved. It’s too late…”  
  
“It’s never too late, just sit down and maybe we can talk bout this.” Bruce wanted to reach out, to provide some kind of anchor as the storm began to rage both out side and inside Loki’s head.   
  
The ravenette to a few steeps back, “I’d rather not. I should be going now…I was just going to tell you so you would know better than to seek me out again. Trust me when I say Bruce you do not want me here. I will lie to you, steal from you …I will destroy everything good in your life because that’s what I do, and I am a monster… a cancer on all who know me. So let me go.”   
  
With that, Loki was moving out of reach, his pace quickening to the door. Bruce was on his heels but the taller man had longer strides in his favor. Loki was out of the door and jogging down the walk when the torrent of rain rolled over the house.   
  
“Loki wait!” Bruce shouted, hesitating a moment before darting out after the man. “Loki please, at the least hear me out and if you want to go let me take you to a mission.   
  
“Go back to your life Banner! Pretend you never met me… think me dead if you like, forget my face if possible.”   
  
Bruce finally managed to catch up as Loki made it halfway down the drive, grabbing for the taller mans arm. They where both soaked to the skin by now in the warm down poor. He tugged the ravenette around, “I can’t… I can’t do that.”   
  
“Why not! I am giving you an out! Why will you not take it?” Loki was pleading.   
  
“If I let you go, I know what will happen. God help me… I don’t want that for you, I know I might not mean anything to you but what you said to me all those years ago .You helped me. I was at my lowest and I couldn’t tell anyone but I told you.” Bruce let his grip lighten and slide down the now sodden fabric of Loki’s shirt. “I told you, you listened and that’s the one thing I really needed. I was so…broken that day Loki, and you were there.  I look at you and I see that same brokenness, I know that if I let you go now… that you might not make it out of this.”  
  
Loki swallowed hard and tilted his head up to the pouring sky, a humorless laugh cracking his voice into a half sob. “You refuse to make this easy.  Fine. ” This time he met the doctor’s eyes and for once in so long the mask fell away, purified by the flood. What was left behind was completely Loki.   
  
His light green eyes seemed to glow surrounded by the pinked sclera. “I do remember you, I didn’t at first but now… a lot started to come back. More than I ever wanted. I spoke to you that day because I understood, I understood because before I came to America I was just like you. Just another lonely crying child. My brother was the better one, always… no matter what I did and finally I found out why. I could never be as good as him in my father’s eyes because he wasn’t my father.” Loki’s fists clenched in anger as lighting flashed in the sky over head.   
  
“My birthfather was a rapist, my mother was a young girl barely fourteen and she killed herself rather than raise the bastard of a monster. So what did that make me? I always knew I was different, but then I realized why. I was just born broken. I didn’t want anyone to know so…I looked for him and I found him. Do you know where he was? Living barely a block from my school, they let filthy creatures like that near children. Therefore, I went there, after dark and I took bat from the sports closet at the school.”     
  
Loki was shaking, his voice distant and haunted. All Bruce wanted to do was reach out to him, to pull him in and chase all this pain away but he knew he couldn’t do that. This was the only way all of this pain was going to get out.  
  
“His door wasn’t even locked,” Their eyes meet and even in the downpour Bruce could tell the difference between Loki’s tears and the raindrops. “Like he was expecting it, so I went in and he was passed out in a chair. It would have been so easy to kill him, to bash in his brains go home to my bed and sleep. I could have, no one would have been the wiser. I stood over him with that cricket bat in my hands and I wanted to. I wanted to paint that damn room red, but I didn’t. “  
  
“You’re not a killer Loki, you were a scared kid. “   
  
“No, I was weak. I smashed up his house and the bastard woke up, when he came at me, I cracked him across the face and then ran. I didn’t kill him but I did crack his skull… I ruined him as he ruined the mother I never knew, as he ruined me. The police found me of course; I was too afraid to go home so I sat in the park all night. That’s were they found me. I was let go because I was minor and because of whom he was to me. The yard said it was…understandable, the school wasn’t as understanding though. They couldn’t have that sort of publicity so I was expelled. May father thought a new start far away would set me right.”  
  
Bruce could tell this wasn’t the end. “It didn’t though do it, what happened to you after graduation.”   
  
Loki trembled and wrapped his arms around his shivering frame, “I went home, I had grown up so much in those years. My host family had been so kind and I realized something else about myself. That I never really enjoyed the company of a woman, no mater how much they enjoyed me. You Americans you’re so…free with your emotions, I suppose I thought I could be the same way. I went home and I told my father that I was gay… and he threw me out. My brother went after me but…I hurt him, I knew I had to leave then so I took all the money I had and returned to America. I bounced around for a bit, and then I met a man. He interviewed me for a job as an assistant.”   
  
 Loki’s tone turned cold, “Thanos, he told me that he was going to groom me to become his right hand in business, told me I was going places. All I had to do was come live with him and do what was asked of me. It all seemed so simple; I didn’t know then what I was agreeing to.”  
  
The weight of the ravenette words settled in Bruce’s stomach like led. “Loki… I”  
  
 “Do not…do not say you are sorry Bruce, I don’t need sorry. Sorry won’t wash away the filth from being passed around like some cheep party favor and strung out on expensive drugs while I played pet to some rich piece of shit! Sorry won’t give me back years I can’t remember or take away the nights I wish I could forget. Nights when I was laid out naked and pumped so full of heroin I did not care when they put their hands on me… or what they put inside of me. It will not change the fact that as soon as I was deemed ‘too old’ I was tossed like a used tissue.  I am ruined Bruce… On a fucking cellular level. I don’t want help I don’t want anything! I just want it to end!”  
  
  Loki began shouting, his body folding as he screamed and sobbed. “I just want to die”   
  
There it was the cold truth of the matter - that for the last few years all Loki had been doing was passively dying. Every lie he told himself, all the people he fooled into believing he was better. It meant nothing because he would still head over to the smack houses and the dirty back alleys and pick up a baggy of who knew what. All the times when he’d find himself huddled on the ground vomiting after a coming down- feeling like his skin was burning. Thinking maybe this was the one time he’d float into the glorious nothing. He wouldn’t though, Loki some how managed because there was a part of him that couldn’t load that little bit extra into the needle, couldn’t take another handful or pills. Couldn’t pull the trigger on the Saturday night special that was in the glove box of the Trans Am.    
  
“I’m a coward.  …I’m a fool” Loki sobbed into his shaking palms.   
  
Bruce knew the fear of those black days, collage hadn’t always been kind.  There were times loneliness crept in and he flirted with the macabre ideas. “No… you’re not. You are not ruined or damaged, you are so much more than the nothing that they told you were.” He moved forward as the man before him crumbled to the flagstone walkway. “Loki… you are not a coward, a coward would have given up a long time ago.”  He said kneeling with the ravenette and pulling the sobbing man into his arms.   
  
“Don’t! Please don’t!” Loki tried to pull away. Everything was shattering inside, all of his perfectly constructed lies were breaking and it left him feeling raw. He never liked vulnerability, it was asking for trouble because the moment you open yourself is the moment they will all betray you.  “Let me go…just let me go.”  
  
The Doctor wasn’t letting go, if anything he held on tighter, “I can’t…your holding on too.  So I can’t…I won’t let you fall.”  
  
Loki opened his eyes, through the tears he could see Bruce was telling the truth. Loki saw his own boney fingers now griped tightly in the back of the doctors soaked shirt. Clinging to this man like a lifeline. This kind, selfless man, Loki didn’t think he deserved this but he wanted it, he wanted it so much.  


	10. I haven’t felt safe in years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I’m back, took me a while to get motivation back on track due to issues that just made me want to quit. But ya’ll just want to read a Fic so here ya go. By the way, I was listening to “My Skin” by Natalie Merchant while writing Loki’s self refection scene. If you want to check that out I suggest it. Kinda helps frame up his mental state. 
> 
> I've also included some art at the bottom. Took me a while to do this didn't i don't have fancy waco tab just me my fingers and ye olden laptop so please don't be cruel.

Bruce helped Loki back inside, they were both soaked to the bone by this point. Still the scientist could tell by the tremors wracking the thinner mans body that Loki was the one who needed tending to before him. Perhaps that was just the good doctor’s self-sacrificing nature at work.  
  
With out saying a word he steered the ravenette up the stairs and to the master bath. Depositing a trembling Loki onto the closed toilet. “Ok, I’m going to run a bath for you, but in the mean time we need to get you out of these wet clothes.” He spoke softly tugging at one of the sodden sleeves of the raven’s shirt.   
  
Loki stood up slowly and began taking off his clothes.   
  
Bruce had not really expected that, even though he had seen Loki shirtless a hand full of times, he never looked for very long. Now under the white bathroom lights it was hard not to see everything he had missed in those fleeting glances.   
  
Loki’s back was littered with scars, some small and round rings -cigarettes or maybe cigars for the larger ones. There were long ones that wrapped around the tall mans hip. Had someone taken a whip to Loki?   
  
When the ravenette turned what when Bruce felt himself suppress a gasp. The track marks on Loki’s arms even around his collarbone and the backs of his hands stood out now.   
  
“Don’t …don’t tell anyone.” Loki muttered looking down as his fingers hesitated at this belt. “I’ll . . . I’ll do anything just don’t…”   
  
It seemed when the poor mans mind could simply no longer take a situation he reverted to his, these horrible offers to preserve what tiny fraction of dignity he managed to cling to.   
  
“Hey, stop its ok.” Bruce set a hand over Loki’s trembling ones. “No one is here but me and I would not betray your trust do you understand that?”   
  
Loki honestly didn’t know anything about trust. “All right.”  
  
Bruce removed his hand and turned back to the now full bath, throwing in a few lavender beads. “I’ll be just outside the door changing since I’m pretty soaked too. If you need anything just let me know, and don’t worry we can talk about all of this after you’re feeling better.”  
  
What if I never feel better? Loki thought. “ok.” he said not wanting to test Bruce’s kindness any further than he had. 

* * *

  
Lying in the warm water with the steam clouding the air above him, it felt like a dream or maybe a nightmare. Had he been here before? Or places very like this?   
  
Yes, he had.  
  
The ravenette lifted his arm from the warm water. Watching as the clear cascade danced over pallid skin and rippled the fragrant surface. His eyes trailing along the faint blue vein along his inner arm that was interrupted at the wrist by faintly raised line and red kisses of a needle. The scar… it had a twin on the other arm, he had been…what? 21...or 22? Those years had been such a blur, that’s what happens when you’re nothing but a toy. A tool for pleasure.   
  
Thanos would invite his ‘guests’ and Loki was meant to ‘entertain’ then when it was all over he would limp back to his room and try and scrub himself clean. He could never be clean and he couldn’t leave, he tried once to run away - one of Thanos' men found him. They didn’t even take him to the hospital after the goon nearly beat him to death. He couldn’t fight anymore.  
  
Yet even that was taken from him. They took him to a clinic that didn’t ask questions, a place Thanos had paid to keep silent about the young man carried in half dead with hand towels soaked in blood wrapped around his wrists.   
  
That’s when Loki realized that everyone had a price.   
  
He let his arm sink back into the water and slid down under the surface squeezing his eyes closed. He lay there on the bottom of the tub a few bubbles escaping from his nostrils and lips.  This was reality, this burning in his chest as the oxygen depleted with each passing second. This was his life.   
  
Loki had been drowning for years, and just didn’t know it.   
  
All his talk, all his time spent playing make believe. He was sinking to the bottom.  
  
Just breath in, just let it end… He thought. Clenching his hands into fists as his deprived lungs cried out.  It would be so easy, but then there was Bruce. This was his house, his bath, his kindness.  It would be cruel to do something like that here.  
  
Loki pulled himself up and gasped for air, his shoulders shook and he covered his mouth from a rising sob. What was he supposed to do now? Where did he go from here? 

* * *

  
Bruce looked up as Loki exited the bath. The taller man was wrapped in a towel and stood silently in the entryway. He looked so lost that it broke Bruce’s heart.  No one should be made to go through what Loki went through, yet still Loki had kept that fierce bravado for all that time.   
  
What stood before him was what had been underneath, all the pretty words and false nobility washed away.  A man on the edge is what stood before him back lit by cold white fluorescents. A man hanging on and Bruce wondered if Loki wanted to let go.   
  
He could see it in those dull green eyes, which whispered truth that maybe Loki had already let go along time ago. That what his life consisted of wasn’t even life at all. Just a series of breaths and heartbeats strung together through time as he drifted from one hell to the next.   
  
When was the last time he felt safe?  
  
“Loki, could you come here please?” Bruce asked holding out a hand.   
  
He had pulled a desk chair just in front of the bed and took a seat, patting the duvet for Loki to take a seat.   
  
The ravenette eyed him with a measure of caution; such had been the case since he first saw Loki months ago at the reunion. Always watching, gauging, reading and assessing with those sea green eyes. It made Bruce imagine some long sleek jungle cat. A jaguar maybe, pacing back and forth behind zoo bars. The way those eyes held a feral quality that said - ‘I’m waiting for you to fall. To show you how deadly I truly am.’   
  
Loki had become a wild thing over the years, dangerous out of necessity. It occurred to him their first conversation and all of Loki’s careful questions. Bruce had suspected it, but now it just made more sense. Loki had considered coning him in the beginning.   
  
“I’d like to look you over if that’s alright, and then I’d like to talk to you about some options if you’re open to that?”   
  
Loki nodded, “I suppose I haven’t much of a choice.” He said with a little deprecating smile.   
  
“No… no you don’t.” Bruce tried to be as thoughtful as he could. He wasn’t that kind of a doctor but he’d studied along side many through his bio classes. He was more the pietree dish type than bedside manner. More at home alone in a lab than making rounds.   
  
Carefully he looked for any superficial signs of infections, there was one fresher looking injection cite on Loki’s left arm. It didn’t seem infected. Small favors Bruce supposed, “I need to ask you some questions.”  
  
Loki tried not to look in Bruce’s eyes as he answered.  
  
 _“Have you ever shared needles with anyone” - No_  
  
 _“have you used laced heroine / speed ball “- Yes_  
  
 _“Have you used any other intravenous drugs” - Yes_  
  
 _“Have you ever gone through withdrawals” - Yes_  
  
 _“When was the last time you used?” - The night I left here._  
  
When it was over Bruce nodded and looked down at his hands. “Loki you understand how dangerous this is don’t you?”   
  
“If your asking if I know I could die, yes I know…but I don’t care.”  
  
That took the scientist breath, “you need to stop”  
  
“I can’t”  
  
“I’ll help you.”  
  
“It wont work.”  
  
Bruce stood and grabbed Loki by the shoulders, “You need to stop that, I used to look at you and see someone that …was almost magic. Please don’t give up, don’t let all that horrible shit be the thing that takes you away. Yeah… life can suck believe me I know … but you” he licked his lips a moment… maybe he could say it now. “I had the biggest crush on you back then and I knew there was no way that you would look at me. Yet you were there and you were kind when didn’t have anyone. Let me be here for you Loki, please?”   
  
“I don’t think I’m strong enough.” tears escaped green eyes as Loki’s thin lips quivers looking up into determined hazel. “I haven’t had anyone care in so long and I’m…I’m afraid Bruce. I thought I wanted to die but…now I …I just don’t know.”   
  
Maybe he shouldn’t have, maybe it was to soon but Bruce didn’t care. Loki needed to see that not everyone wanted to hurt him, that there could be something good if he opened himself up to it.   
  
He leaned in and took Loki’s face in his hands, pressing there lips together softly. As he pulled away, he kept their foreheads together and whispered. “I believe in you.”  
  



	11. Reaching out

It did not take long for Bruce to realize that they could not do this alone. The shakes were getting worse and Loki could barely move, it was too much to risk in Bruce’s eyes. This could go south so quickly and he would have no way to stop it. Collectively, Loki made it barely four days into withdrawals before Bruce took him to a rehab center.   
  
The entire ride the ravenette clutched his hand while curled in a ball in the reclined passenger seat. Between the nausea and vomiting Loki was having cold sweats and spasms. Bruce was very worried about dehydration and the fact that Loki still seemed under weight for his height. This was something that only professionals could handle and despite Loki’s worries and earlier protests he had been ready to climb into the car when the Doctor told him to. That alone spoke volumes to how bad the ravenette felt.  
  
Truth was, Loki had never faced withdrawals. He tried once,  the last time he went home…after everything he thought he could try again. That maybe he could come clean but he could not. Standing outside his childhood home in the middle of the night with his hands shaking and stomach clenching around nothing - he lost his nerve. When he returned in the morning, he was flying high and filled with the devil courage, some good that had done.  
  
Loki had told himself this was different because he didn’t need to fight for forgiveness. Bruce gave it freely, Bruce was gentle and kind and Bruce stayed…no one had ever stayed before. Even when he thought the pain was too much the doctor had been there holding back his hair and placing a cool rag on the back of his neck. Loki wanted to believe he could beat this on his own but Bruce looked so worried when he found him this morning.   
  


* * *

  
Around 1.am he woke feeling his skin crawl. He managed to lean over the bed and grab the bin before emptying his stomach. It was mostly bile because he couldn’t hold anything down. Loki had been week the evening before, slipped into Bruce’s medicine cabinet, and popped a handful of prescription painkillers. All he wanted to do was take the edge off that was a few hours ago and after slipping into blissful unconsciousness the tremors where back. The oxy’s were wearing off  to quickly, of course they were. Loki had built up a massive tolerance, his daily drug intake would kill someone right out of the gate. He could go two, maybe three days before he was too uncomfortable. Even then, he could drink to calm the urge. Pills, cocaine, and heroin, one a handful of occasions crack - it was cheaper.   
  
He stumbled into the adjoining bath and curled up on the cool tiles. Maybe he would die here, that would be unfortunate for Bruce. It would defiantly hurt the homes resale value. Loki signed splaying his fingers across the tile; they were so thin and pale. Had his hands always looked this way? Like bones under stretched skin, he did not think so.   
  
Loki wanted to cry but found he couldn’t summon up the water to make tears at this point. What would his mother say if she saw him like this? Lying in a heap on a bathroom floor, shivering and drooling. Would she be able to look at him or would she deny him? Would her beautiful voice say ‘that’s not my son’ would she look away in disgust? Part of him hoped she would, it would better that way, and he didn’t want her to see how dirty he had become.   
  
Moreover, Thor? His ever-shining brother, would he feign ignorance. Would his booming voice say ‘I have no brother?’   
  
Loki whined and kicked weakly at the cabinet door. “I don’t want this…I don’t want this…” 

* * *

  
  
Bruce had found him just after 5am when he gotten up to get water. The doctor had evidently made a habit of checking up on him in the last few days.   
  
The discovery had truly shaken Banner who dropped to the floor and gathered Loki in his arms trying to wake the unresponsive man. Splashing water on Loki’s face proved enough to bring him around with a gasp and whine. Bruce had held him and rubbed his back promising he would be ok. Loki wanted to believe that so badly. 

* * *

  
Dropping Loki off at the 30-day rehab center had been one of the hardest things Bruce ever had to do. It was amazing how close they had become through all of this. Seeing the uncertainties in Loki‘s eyes as the nurses moved to take him away, like he thought Bruce wouldn’t come back.  
  
 Bruce knelt down in front of the wheel chair where they placed the ravenette; a soft smile on his face as he rubbed the taller mans knees. “I’ll come see you when you can have visitors, and they have my number at the desk if they need me. You’re not alone in this ok? I’d like to try to get in touch with your family too, if that’s all right.  
  
“They won’t care. “ Loki said, glaring at a patch of wall in the distance. “I know they won’t”   
  
Bruce let out a breath, patience - he had to have it. “They might surprise you, so can I try to reach out to them for you?  Just to let them know how you’re doing”   
  
Thin lips pursed and boney hands knitted together in frustration. “I suppose, if it truly means so much to you”  
  
He smiled and leaned up placing a kiss on Loki’s forehead. The act of tenderness surprised the ravenette and he looked back as Bruce shook hand with the staff. Each one assuring the Doctor that Loki was in good hands.   
  
Bruce waves as he walked out, Loki did not wave back though he did watch the man go for as long as he was able, before the double doors swung closed and the nurse with the kind round face told him he was going to be ok. She smelled like rose water and had wrinkles around her eyes. It made him feel better. 

* * *

  
When Bruce arrived home he did not jump right into the search, he could have and it probably would have been far more productive than what he did do. However, he just needed to process this for a moment.    
  
Flopping into the sofa, he arched back into the cushions and pressed the heels of his palms over his eyes. He needed to just sit with that darkness a moment and breathe. Needed to drown in the quiet and feel it in his bones, because this was what Loki was feeling. Bruce felt like there was going to be no way he could talk to Loki’s family if he really didn’t understand it himself. Maybe there would never be a way to understand it.   
  
As much as the philosophers can say ‘walk a mile in another mans shoes’ there was no way to take the road Loki had been on, no way to grasp even a fraction of that hopelessness. Yet he wanted to, he wanted to sit with those demons and learn their names, because if he knew its name maybe that gave him power over it. Power he could use to help Loki.   
  
Bruce sat up combed his fingers through his hair, trying to think of were to start. The easiest might be Loki’s brother, they were closer in age and that could be a boon in convincing Loki’s parents if it came to that. Loki would need that support system, if Bruce couldn’t get the mans family on board then he’d call his own family and friends. He knew they would rally around the ravenette if Bruce told them the truth.   
  
“Right, ok…let’s do this.”  
The next several hours Bruce spent on the internet and on the phone, he had found some conflicting information. For one, Loki’s story and his arrest record, Loki said he had gone back after high school ended and that’s when he had a ‘disagreement with his brother’  However, Loki had gone back again and was arrested. Loki hadn’t mentioned that. Also according to what Bruce had found Thor was no longer living overseas during Loki’s last visit. Apparently, Thor lived relatively close in Arizona with his wife Jane and had since the fall of 2009- the year before Loki’s arrest.   
  
Still, it looked like Bruce would get his answer. He was currently staring at the screen showing an address and phone for Thor Odinson.

* * *

  
“hello.”  
  
Bruce took a breath and tried to smile as he spoke, someone told him to do that during phone calls, was it Betty? Maybe some Professional development instructor back in college. If you smile then it lightens your voice and you come across more friendly.  Bruce found it awful hard to smile right now.  
  
“Hello…is anyone there?”  
  
“Yes, um hello. Is this Thor Odinson?”    
  
“Yes it is how can I help you?”   
  
Come pay attention to your little brother who is spiraling out of control in a haze of depression and an addiction…Yeah not the best opener. “Hello, my name is Bruce Banner; I’m a friend of your brother - Loki. I’m actually calling about him…”  
  
“Loki! You know where he is! Who is this how do you know him!” The deep accented voice on the other end of the line seemed to almost growl.   
  
“Uh… Yes? Look ok, I…We went to school together and recently reconnected. I’m calling because…” because he’s a mess? Because he’s been, so abused and shot up so much in the way of narcotics I have no idea what damage he may have already done to his body? Because I’m afraid for him…because I think, I love him?   
  
“Because what! Oh god… Is, is he all right?”   
  
The fear in the voice was plain as day, obviously Thor cared a lot about Loki despite what the later might think. Bruce only hoped that care would translate to their family.   
  
“I won’t lie to you, he’s in a rough place but he wants to get better. That’s why I’m calling, I checked your brother into rehab this morning and I wanted to let his family know because he really needs support right now.”  
  
There was a pause and a woman’s voice in the distance, the receiver was muffled but Bruce could make out some sort of conversation in hurried tones. Then Thor came back on the line, “Yes, yes of course. Bruce was it?”  
  
“Yes, Bruce Banner.”  
  
“Bruce, thank you so much…I haven’t heard from my brother in years. The last I tried, he wasn’t himself then… it was the drugs I think. It gladdens me to know he is getting help and I will lend my help in anyway I can for him.”  
Bruce could hear the slight choke in the other mans voice and it affected him likewise. “That’s good, listen if you want I live not far from you. We could meet in the middle do you know of Café’ Verde? I can bring some information about the facility and it would give you time to notify your folks.”  
  
They agreed to meet and Thor agreed to get in contact with the rest of the family. As far as calls went Bruce felt pretty good about it, maybe time had healed a lot of wounds that Loki thought were still present. That or the fact that no one really knew how or where he was had scared them all into picturing life with out him. Bruce thought it was far more likely that last one.   
  
He couldn’t imagine living that way, as a brother or a parent- wondering everyday if this person you love; that you watched grow is out there somewhere suffering. The fear of one day picking up the phone and hearing the worst had happened.    
  
To think he almost didn’t come to that reunion.

* * *

  
Thor was a large man, not in the overweight sense but in the tall muscular sense. It was more than a little intimidating; however, the smiling woman at his side made Bruce less weary to approach.   
  
Thor’s wife Jane was extremely friendly, her grinning demeanor made even more so by the pleasant glow to her cheeks complementing the noticeable baby bump.   
  
After greeting each other they sat down at one of the café’s corner booths, ordering something light before getting down to it. Bruce had his tablet case on the table ready with all the information about the facility where Loki was. This included the daily update e-mails he’d been receiving on Loki’s care.   
  
“I wanted to thank you again; I am indebted to your kindness Mr. Banner.” Thor said looking seriously at the led screen detailing his brother’s condition. “I had no idea… He had suffered so.”   
  
“Bruce, please and I’m not surprised. Loki seemed keen on hiding his problems from everyone. I think he is very committed to turning his life around now, everyone has to hit that bottom and I think he did.”   
  
Jane looked over the information and a thoughtful gaze. “I spoke to Frigga, um Thor and Loki’s mother, last night and let her know. She has been really worried about Loki, they both have.”  
  
The doctor didn’t want to have to ask but everything seemed to be going so well that he felt it might be ’too well’  “I have to ask, I know there was an incident a few years ago in England, I don’t know the details but you understand that I don’t want there to be any undue stress for him right now.” Bruce tried to be as respectful as possible considering whatever happened was like escalated by Loki.   
  
Thor closed the tablet case and pushed it across the table, the large man looked down into his water glass as if searching for the words. “I wasn’t there, but… it upset my mother and she contacted me. She wanted me to try and find Loki after he left, things where…strained. He had come home and our father confronted him about things …they didn’t see eye to eye on.”  
  
“Thor just say it.” Jane sighed rubbing her stomach, “If you don’t I will, I already gave your father a piece of my mind about it.”   
  
Bruce looked between them waiting; finally, Jane rolled her eyes and spoke.  
  
“Loki’s gay, I’m sure you know that…I assume you’re more than just a friend considering how night this place is. I don’t judge that, in-fact I think it’s great if Loki had a good kind man that cared about him. The point is Odin, that’s their father, he was narrow minded ass.”  
  
“Jane please…” Thor groaned leaning his chin on his palm.  
  
“It’s true and I’m not taking it back. He acted like an ass, he acted like one when he meet me and when you moved, he acted like one when Loki came out, and god bless your mother for putting up with it as long as she has.”  
  
Suddenly Bruce felt like an intruder and sat back folding his hands, “So, they argued?”  
  
“A bit more than that,” Thor spoke again, “It wasn’t just about my brothers lifestyle, he showed up and he high and agitated. They quarreled and… Loki struck him. My mother was afraid and …she phones the police. They didn’t press charges though…”   
  
  
Jane reached over rubbing her husbands forearm. “Things have really calmed down a lot since then, they are so worried because he’s been more erratic and the internet posts never made since and he just…well he didn’t look healthy. I’m sure you can relate.”

* * *

  
14 days into rehab, Bruce came to visit.   
  
Loki was fairly nervous; he had been feeling better than he had in a long time. Actually sleeping through the night with out nightmares or the shakes. He’d even put on a little bit of weight in the last week. Not much but the staff all commented on how his face looked better and a little fuller. He’d had a lot of time to think about things, and even though there was still so much worth to do he knew there was something at the end of all of this. That was Bruce.   
  
When Loki stepped out on the patio of the center, he smiled, tucking some stray hair behind his ear. Bruce was seated at one of the tables with a bottle of water, he stood up when he saw Loki and remand standing as he approached. Ever the gentleman.  
  
“You look great.”   
  
“I suppose sobriety agrees with me.” He said taking a seat. Loki was able to get a good look at the doctor now, a better look with clearer eyes. Bruce was hansom with his olive skin and dark curls, he had kind eyes that crinkled at the corners when he smiled. The kind of man Loki never thought he would deserve and yet… He still remembered their kiss. That one spot of peace in his turbulent mind had gotten him through some of the rougher nights.   
  
“I’m really happy to hear that. I heard therapy’s been going pretty good too, that kinda what I wanted to talk to you about.” Bruce hedged the subject he wanted to be sure Loki was feeling up to it.   
  
“It …has been trying at times.” Loki had balked at the group share the first few times, but after listening to others, he realized he wasn’t alone. It would be a long road to work through all the shame and the anger over everything that had happened and the choices he made. Yet, he felt he could do that because there was one key thing he was discovering.    
  
It wasn’t his fault and he had no reason to hide because of others wrongs. That it was ok to need people because not everyone was going to hurt you. There were good people, people like Bruce.   
  
“I spoke with your brother.”  Bruce proceeded to tell Loki what Thor said.  
  
It pulled at old wounds and yet at the same time went a long way to start healing them. His family did not hate him; they even wanted him in their lives despite everything and if Loki was honest… he wanted them too.   
  
  Loki choked up and reached across the table. Bruce did one better, moving around and pulling the ravenette into a hug. Loki whispers heartfelt thank yous during their embraces. The doctor kissed his temple and told him not to worry.  “This is your second chance Loki, things are going to get better and I’m going to be here for you. Every step of the way.”   
  
  



	12. When you’re wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: For some reason while I was writing the meeting Adele- Hello, came on my Itunes XD and it oddly worked and I ended up looping it while working. So yeah, take that information however, you like it. I took it as duel meaning both between two people and introspectively. Just thought I would share that info.

25 days can feel like an eternity depending on how you spend them.  
  
 For Loki they began to feel to short, at first he wouldn’t have said that of course. At first, he had been too sick to leave his room, then to angry with his own reflection. Slowly but surely he stepped out in the day room and listened to others talk about their lives, their addictions, their pain and he saw …himself. His reflection in countless faces because deep down they were the same on many levels.   
  
So many of them suffered the same demons and committed the same transgressions.  There was something about that kinship that made Loki feel safe. He could say the things he’d held inside for so long, he could talk about the nights he’d spent in younger says feeling used up and worn out. He could cry over the loss of his innocence and morn the year’s drugs and abuse had taken from him.   
  
More than that though, he learned that his life was not over. He was 33, and 25 days clean for the first time in over a decade. He had more than half a life in front of him and he had someone waiting. Loki knew he could do this, which he had to because the life behind him was not a life. What he’d been doing was surviving, it was the base reaction of an animal trying to sustain.  That wasn’t living, it was joyless and empty with days that melted together under restaurant heat lamps and strange men.   
  
Loki was also practicing another new skill. Loving himself, in a genuine self-aware sort of way. No bravado or false smiles, trying to project an effortless face. The real kind of love that comes from forgiveness. Loki had to look at himself and forgive the things he’d perceived as wrong. He had to rewrite the pages of negativity with positives and remove the blame for the things he could not control.  
  


  * “It’s not your fault …your birth father was a rapist.”
  * “It’s not your fault your real mother killed herself.”
  * “Your sexual orientation is not shame.
  * “Your life is not worthless”
  * “Your body deserves health.”



  
He spoke these words each morning before heading to his daily activities. Loki was doing well so far and his doctors and the other staff members felt positive about his recovery. He knew what the bottom was and he didn’t want that anymore. He wanted to be proud of himself and to be the kind of man Bruce saw.   
  
Bruce…over the last 25 days Bruce’s visits, calls, and letters had been a balm to Loki’s uncertainty. He already planned to kiss that man breathless when he left this place. 

* * *

  
This morning t Loki’s therapist came into his room with her usual cheerful smile.   
  
“Loki?” Dr. Susan Richards knocked softly on the doorframe.   
  
“The ravenette looked up from his book and waved her in. “Forgive Dr. Richards, I wasn’t aware I had a session today.”  
  
She smiled and set her clipboard down on a nearby desk, perching herself at its edge. “No you don’t, you actually have a visitor. I wanted to talk to you about it first however; to be sure it would be in your best interest right now.”  
  
His brow knitted, it wasn’t Bruce then, they had also done this when Thor phoned to speak to him but Loki had taken the call in stride. In truth, he felt much better for it after. He doubted that if Thor came to visit they would feel so inclined to see how he felt about it. That meant… no, they wouldn’t come.   
  
Loki masked his features in cool indifference, by now Susan knew her patients tells well enough and wasn’t fooled when Loki folded his hands and raised his chin a fraction higher. “And who would that be?”   
  
“Your parents, they want to see you and see how you are. I spoke with them and I feel it would be good for you, that is if you feel ready. If not I can instruct a member of staff to go and speak to them. Maybe see if they might leave you a note or even video message that you can take your time with.”   
  
Loki averted his gaze, staring down at his hands rather than at the Doctors eyes. His hands were no longer the pale boney things they had been weeks ago. Still, his forearms still bore the faint red dots and long scars. Instinctively tugged at his sleeves, he didn’t ever want to appear week even if he’d grown accustom to it. Something about looking weak in front of his father seemed like a facing a firing squad. “I…I won’t subject myself to accusations and blame. I know what I have done was wrong and I will apologize for those wrong doings but I will not allow myself to be put on trail for who I am or be made to take a verbal beating.”  
  
“I don’t think that’s what they want.” the doctor began. “Loki, you know I would never set you up for something that could hurt your recovery. There is a lot that needs to be said between you and your family; I believe that if you open yourself up to the possibility of change- not only for yourself but also for them. You will be stronger for it.”  
  
She was right, of course she was. “If I feel attacked or uncomfortable I will leave you understand?”   
  
Richards nodded and picked up her notes once again. “I wouldn’t expect you not to, this is a safe place Loki and if things turn all you have to do is leave the visitors room and tell Johnny and he will make sure you make it back to your room with out incident. We are here for you first and foremost.”   
  
“Alright, I’ll see them.”

* * *

  
It took around 20 minuets for Loki to convince himself to walk into the visitor’s room.   
  
He only saw the back of one head as he walked in however; it was not the familiar long faded auburn gold of his mother. Rather a snowy white bound in a low ponytail. He knew who it was and wanted to turn and run because if this could be worse he didn’t know how. Still, Loki held his head high and walked in with as much grace and ease as he could muster.   
  
Making his way into view, Loki kept his expression guarded and emotionless. “Father.”   
  
Odin looked up, he seemed much older now. Older than Loki remembered but considering how long it had been he wasn’t surprised. His father should be well into his 70’s now.   
  
“Loki, you are looking well. I’m glad.”   
  
The ravenette felt his lips twitch wanting to scowl and spew venomous words. “thank you.”  The tight reciprocation burned as it rolled off his tongue. Yet this was all he could do for now.   
  
Apparently, the elder man could tell that this conversation would be largely silent if he didn’t say what he needed to. “We have worried for you. I have worried for you. Our last words were not ones I am proud of, nor I suspect are you.”  
  
“My last words were with the constable.” Loki snorted.  
  
Odin sat back grumbling away any need to retort in-kind. “You were not locked away though were you? I never wanted that for you.”  
  
“No, of course not so you washed your hands of me instead.” Loki hadn’t wanted to do this but it felt like the rage was just bubbling out now. “If Thor begged you to come I can ease your mind, you need not trouble yourself.”  
“Loki…you are my son.”   
  
“No… I’m just a bastard you raised. Those were your words!” Loki didn’t remember much from that day, but what he did remember still broke him.

* * *

  
 _He felt better, now that his brain was bathed in opiates. Maybe now he could look them in the eye, maybe with out the fear or pain ask them for help. He didn’t want to go back, back to shitty motels and old men that touched him with sweaty hands._  
  
 _Worse, what if Thanos decided he wanted Loki back?  What if that mad tyrant decided that his old toy wasn’t as used up and sent one of his lackeys to find the ravenette?_  
  
 _Loki shivered at the thought and clung to the worn sweater that hung off one shoulder. The neck was stretched and the size was off, he’d found it in a bag of donated clothes. By now, the black knit had holes where the young man hooked his thumbs to keep the sleeves down. The edges frayed and somewhat scorched in places._  
  
 _His hair was oiling and hung around his face, his one smooth pale skin was dotted with blemishes and patches of redness where the capillaries had burst under the skin. Loki didn’t think he looked too bad, he was able to wash up some in the public bathroom. He couldn’t smell himself unfortunately, his sinuses were irritated from snorting a few lines of hydro a few nights ago when he made it into the country.  It took him a few days to get the nerve to come here. Back to his old family home, the place where he once felt safe. He wanted it again, wanted to hear his mother’s soft voice and his fathers laugh. Even wanted Thor and his loud way of speaking, Loki just wanted to not feel so alone._  
  
 _He rang the bell and his mother came to the door. The look on her face… he would never forget it._  
  
 _“Oh my god…”_  
  
 _From there Loki should have known, his mother touched him so carefully and started to cry bringing him in. Then his father saw him and Odin was so angry._  
  
 _“Look what you’ve done to yourself, for god sakes Loki. Son, you look like death” He didn‘t see the tears in his fathers eyes. Only the hard set of the mans jaw and the anger in his words. . “Is the life you wanted? This wasn’t how I raised you!”_  
  
 _His mother tried to intercede but Loki stopped her, he stood up and started shouting. “Oh yes! I have always wanted to be junkie, it was one of my aspirations right next to being a whore. You raised me with all those pretty words and fine manners and I thank you because it got me right were I am! Getting fucked for a tenner!”_  
  
 _He didn’t remember much but his mother crying and then._  
  
 _“You …monstrous thing. I should have never brought you into this family! You’re not my son, just a bastard that I raised.”_

* * *

  
  
“I was wrong; I lost my temper because I was afraid Loki. I didn’t know how to help you, you had fallen so far and I could do nothing to stop it. We hadn’t heard from you since…since you told us about…being a homosexual. We didn’t even know if you were alive until you showed up at our door step looking like some wraith.” Odin leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.  “You’re my son and I should have protected you.”   
  
Loki fought the burn in his eyes valiantly as he stood up and paced to a nearby window. He wouldn’t cry- he swore he would not. “I never needed you’re approval for who I was. I didn’t need you to understand. I wanted it. I wanted to know that you still loved me and that I wasn’t …broken. I’m not broken Father, I’m only different.”   
  
Silence stretched between them before Odin stood, Loki watched his father’s reflection in the glass, thinking perhaps that the man would simply leave. Instead, the older man stood there with hands in his pockets looking at the carpet for a moment as if looking for the words down there in the soft blue fibers. Finally, he walked over to the window standing just behind Loki; they watched each other’s faces in the glass. It was less intimidating in a way.   
  
“You were three days old when I first held you. The agency had phoned us and said they had a little boy, we had considered a girl for some time but… I did not see the harm in meeting you. We had seen several other children but… maybe one day you will understand, but when you hold your child for the first time, your heart becomes overwhelmed with love. You know in an instant that you would die for them. That you would do anything you could to somehow make their life better than your own. When we arrived, the nurse said you had been small, born a bit early. Your mother and I walked in the nursery and you where shrieking, always so noisy.” the old man huffed out a laugh.  “But when I held you…you just, stopped. You looked at me as if you had been waiting for me. Those big green eyes and face covered in tears. I couldn’t have put you down if I tried.”   
  
Loki felt the pain rising in his throat, “It hurt so much when you turned me away. So I went looking for that and all I found was pain.  Then I just wanted to numb that pain. I know I shouldn’t have come back the way I did but I didn’t know how to face you other wise.”  It was then he broke, a hand flying over his lips to hold back the sob.   
  
He couldn’t, shouldn’t…  
  
Then those strong hands that used to lift him atop shoulders that always seemed so high rested on his arm and turned him away from the window.  His father wasn’t that same giant from his child hood memories, not some great untouchable force that walked through the house with heavy footsteps. He was an aged man with a face etched with years.  Shorter than Loki was now, yet his eyes where the same. That fair morning blue a touch lighter than Thor’s. His hands were the same as they pulled him closer, his armed were the same as they wrapped around his back.   
  
“I failed you, I am so sorry my boy, I am so sorry. You were an innocent child.”   
  
Loki griped the back of his father’s shirt, “I am no longer innocent or a child.”   
  
“You are still our son Loki, and we your family.”  A sweet voice called form the entryway.   
  
Frigga swept into the room, her arms open and accepting to let her youngest fall into her arms. When he did, she cast a Loki between the two men she loved, “Forgive an old man his faults sweet one, he’s grown some in his twilight, and forgive me because you needed your mother and I let you go.” 

* * *

  
  
After the tears were dried away, they had their first honest conversation in years. While Odin seemed to still bristle at the mention of Loki’s sexuality, he said nothing overtly offensive and it was easy to see he wanted the best for his sons.   
  
Frigga on the other had given a glowing review of a certain curly haired scientist. “Bruce is a gem dear; he’s been so kind since we arrived. I do like him.” She said with a little wink.    
  
Loki smiled and laughed at her exuberance, how he had missed this.   
  
  
  
  



	13. Welcome home

Home was a foreign concept to Loki. Yet watching Bruce blush and fiddle with his glasses as he asked Loki to stay was adorable. If he had to call anywhere home -his heart belonged to this place.   
  
His first night ‘home’ had felt great, that deep sense of peace that just floated around him and sunk into his bones. There was no ache or craving today so that was good. Loki supposed that those days may come, but for now, he was content to stand next to Bruce at the cooking range as they made supper. There was bliss to the simplicity  of it all.  
  
Sitting out on the patio that evening, they looked up at the night sky. Laying under a blanket of stars, both men on one of the larger lounge chairs, just being close. It occurred to Loki that he’d never felt so at ease with something like this.   
Being this comfortable with another person with no expectations to fill. No need to ’perform or outsmart’. Loki could lay there with Bruce looking up at the stars, each of them pointing out the constellations as the fire pit crackled nearby to warm them. As the night grew cooler and goose flesh claimed their exposed skin they would abandon the outdoors. Finally, they would head inside and Bruce would give him an adorable parting kiss in the hallway.   
  
How cute the doctor looked, ducking his head and muttering “goodnight”  
  
 Loki slept in the guest room still because apparently, Bruce was to shy to ask him into the bedroom straight away. It was so chivalrous in a way that Loki found  endearing. Through the day, their touches had been kind and innocent, such a thing Loki had never had the privilege to enjoy. He loved these little touches of their hands and the way the scientist would look at him with such regard.  
  
 Loki did not feel that Bruce was studying him or waiting for some sign of ill intent. It was nice to feel trusted, to feel responsible of his own actions and his own person. Loki knew that if he had told Bruce he’d wanted to leave the man would have been supportive. Thankfully, he didn’t want to leave. Not that he was using Bruce as a crutch or a transition. Those old compulsions to somehow carve out a place by force where another thing he had left behind.   
  
He stayed, because the thought of being out there wasn’t necessarily scary - but it was lonely. Loki did want independence, he intended to look for work soon and further his education. He wanted to not only make Bruce proud but to have something for himself. Something that he didn’t have to beg, barrow, or steal. 

* * *

  
 Bruce wanted to have a welcome home party of sorts for Loki.   
  
Loki agreed, with a few ground rules in place for his own comfort. Such as; no alcohol allowed, Loki didn’t want temptation of any kind. Dr. Richards had also placed him on some medication for depression and the prescription advised against spirited drinks.   
  
Bruce was fine with that condition, old fashion sodas and ciders would do. Not like, he had much experience with parties outside the ones he attended in college.   
  
The guest list was small: Loki’s family attended, Bruce’s friends - Tony and Steve, Betty -her husband and daughter, Bruce’s cousin Jessica.  The later found it necessary to pull the ravenette aside for a little shovel talk, always protective over Bruce. Loki seemed to take her worries in stride. He was genuine when he told her that hurting Bruce was the farthest thing from his mind.   
  
It was also interesting to see Loki interacting with his new extended family. Jane slapped him- not too hard, and told him to never scare his mother and brother like that ever again. Loki really liked her.  He also found Jane’s baby bump utterly fascinating, laughing in surprise when she smiled and grabbed his hand to feel the little one kick.   
  
“Boisterous, he or she will take after Thor…you poor thing, stuck in a house with two of them.” Loki said.   
  
Thor, true to form looked up from his plate with a bit of nacho stuck in his beard. “What?”   
  
Jane shared a look with her brother-in-law and both burst into a fit of giggles.   
  
Tony and Loki also seemed to hit it off well, talking about fashion and pop culture.  It was easy to see between the two of them that the ‘Barney Stinson philosophy’ was alive and well. Even at a casual gathering both men wore nice button down shirts in bold colors that perfectly complimented their very different complexions. They both seemed to have a good time poking a little fun at their less than trendy partners. Poor Steve favored plaid and Bruce was a sweater sort of person, organic fibers of course. Thus, the two more fashionably minded among them had a grand time co conspiring their lover’s new wardrobes. Bruce had a feeling he‘d need to hide his favorite pair of sandals because he heard Tony use the phrase ‘hobbit feet‘.  

* * *

  
That night after everyone had left, Loki watched Bruce from a far. The scientist was in the kitchen rising out a few serving bowls and wine glasses. It wasn’t the first time in the last few days that it occurred to Loki how lucky he was, how  a year ago he was bathing in a plastic storage bin  and most of his furniture consisted of old taped together lawn chairs and salvaged car seats.  
  
There was a time when he would walk outside those suburban houses at night, clinging to the thin hooded sweatshirt he’d stolen  and catch a glimpse of such scenes through kitchen windows and sliding glass patio doors. How he would pause there on the cracked sidewalk and watch a woman and her children back cookies, a man and his wife washing dishes, or two young women desperately kissing one another against the cook top island before their faces broke in smiles. Happiness that he couldn’t have.  
  
Perhaps then the bitter part of him hated those people, hated what they had what he never could because he was spoiled. At night when it was cold, dark and he had no one to lie to- that’s when Loki knew the truth. That while he was surely a hero in his own dreams, in reality he was little more than a villain. A shifty character cloaked in shadow that matched the hollow darkness of his cheeks and under eyes. That hungry anger that made his once warm gaze fill with ice.   
  
Loki felt his breath hitch at the memory, the vapor image fleeing from the pleasant hum of present. The hum of Bruce scrubbing pots and pans.   
  
“What is that?”   
  
Bruce stopped and looked up with a slight blush on his face, “Oh.. Well, it’s a little dorky I guess. Do you know who Tom Lehrer is?”  
  
Loki’s mouth quirked in a smile, “The masochism tango?”   
  
“Ha.. Yeah, this one though its kind of something all the science guys in college would try to sing when we were drunk. It’s called ‘The Elements’ it basically names everything on the periodic table.”  
  
Bruce was truly to adorable for words at times. Loki hoped up onto the counter next to him and tugged the doctor toward him. “My, you boys did know how to party.”  
  
“That’s about as wild as things got.” Bruce said fondly as he stood between Loki’s splayed legs, resting his palms on the ravenette knees. “Did you have nice time tonight?”  
  
“I did, although… I think I’d like to have better time.” Long pale fingers trailed along the collar of the doctor’s polo shirt pulling the man in for a hungry kiss.   
  
When the two parted for air Loki has shifted to the edge of the counter top with his legs wound behind Bruce’s thighs. THe laughed and panted, the doctor’s hands trembling ever so slightly as they worked open the buttons on his partners dress shirt.   
  
“Are you sure?” Bruce asked and hoped.   
  
“I have never been so now shut up.” Loki nearly growled before claiming the doctor’s mouth once again.   
  
The intense make out session moved from the counter to the table and from the table to the living room sofa. A trail of discarded shirts, belts, and trousers left in the wake.   
  
Currently, Bruce looked up from where he was pinned down by the tall lithe form that had been the focus of so many of his youthful fantasies. Now though it was better because this was real, Loki might not look as he had 15 years ago but neither did Bruce. The ideal when you are 18 is all hard lines and supple skin. Flowery day dreams of screwing your crush on a bed of roses, when in all likely hood your first sexual experience was going to be some fumbling sweaty tumble in the back of a Ford.   
  
Real love, honest love and sex didn’t really happen until you crested the age of giving a shit what kind of underwear you put on  because the person you were with had seen you looking like death at 6am with a toothbrush hanging out of your mouth.  That magical place where you laugh because yes Bruce had on a pair of white Ralph Lauren bikini briefs and yes, he was a very hairy man.  This was the place that when Loki frowned slightly when he caught sight of his own reflection in the mirror, Bruce was there to pull him out of his own head and kiss him breathless. Sweet words and warm hands that touched old scars and kissed away the pain.   
  
There was playfulness of abandoning the too shallow couch and running up the stairs to the master bedroom before falling back into a tangle of limbs. Hands searching the night table and Bruce turning a little red at the discovery of not one but three bottles of lube. He was a grown man with needs sue him.   
Hips rolling together with Loki’s lager hand down between them griping their erections against one another as they chased after the high that could only be found in another persons eyes. Swimming in the dilated pools of black like a whole universe that opened  at the single moment. This ‘little death’, was one Loki would gladly sacrifice himself to for the rest of his days.   
  
After when they lay there in ruined sheets just catching their breath, Bruce turned at looked to the nearly dozing man on his right. Yes, this was better.  
   
  
  
  



	14. Times they are changing

**One year later,**  
  
Settling into the new house in California had been somewhat stress full, Loki’s new job as a design consultant for Stark Industries had been merely more stress full. However, this…this was rose scented silk draped slice of hell.   
  
“No! Are you not listening the white roses are to frame the pavilion and the gold roses are for the centerpieces GOD IT‘S LIKE I’M TALKING TO MYSELF!” Loki shouted tugging at his hair.   
  
He really shouldn‘t have taken up the job of planning Steve and Tony‘s wedding.  Steve was fairly calm, asking for only two things - 1) Four empty chairs placed on the front row of the guests, in the chairs would be photographs of Tony‘s parents, Steve‘s mother, and Bucky Barnes. 2) Was that he be aloud to wear his Military dress uniform.  
  
Tony on the other hand had a list of asinine things Loki had already deemed “Too tacky and Flashy” including - Doves, fireworks, a police escort, back up dancers for his entrance.  Thankfully, Loki was able to get this far in keeping this affair a classic one.  He swore if he ever did this… He and Bruce were eloping or just going to some off shore island after heading to the courthouse and having some wonderfully nude pagan sex ritual. That sounded like a great plan with far less complications.   
  
“The Swan sculptures can not be outside!  You are aware this is Malibu!” He was going to kill someone, literally kill them…maybe with a some of the custom monogrammed cutlery Stark insisted on for the reception. A fork to the skull… yeah that would get his point across.

* * *

  
Just before the ceremony Bruce had stopped in the check on Steve, the couple had decided to walk the isle rather than have one waiting at the alter. Steve would be going first and it was easy to see the military man was nervous. Adjusting and readjusting his tie in the mirror. Thank goodness, Bruce was here to get him to sit down and just breathe.   
  
“I’ve seen you face half a football team and come up swinging, how hard could this be?” Bruce commented, reaching forward to straighten up the rose pinned to the label of Steve’s uniform. “ I think you will be fine.”  
  
Steve laughed and straightened his tie for the hundredth time, “I’m marrying Tony Stark.”  
  
Bruce nodded sagely, “You’re right, it was nice knowing you.”  
  
The two shared a laugh and the tension was starting to eek out of the blondes shoulders, “So when will you pop the question to Loki?”   
  
The doctor had a thoughtful look as if perhaps he was holding some grand secret, he rocked back on his heels and looked around at the flowers scattered around the small dressing area. “I’m not really the impulsive type, when I do one day it will be very well thought out. We‘re both still adjusting since the move and his therapist suggested we table any other big decisions. I don‘t want him overwhelmed, not that I don‘t trust him to let me know. He is getting better about that sort of thing.”  
  
Steve turned and took a deep breath, “Yeah, better than asking after you get your tax return, I‘m sorry too if this is stressing Loki out. I told Tony that we should just hire someone but you know how he is.”   
  
“Tax return…He didn’t?” Bruce would have laughed if it did not sound so completely random and so Tony  
  
“He did… bless his heart, Tony’s lucky I love him. Just looked at it and scribbled ‘ be my dependent?’  Moreover, scooted it across the breakfast bar to me. I thought he was joking at first.” Steve smiled at the memory. I guess it is memorable though right. Saved me from having to figure out how to ask him on one knee with out feeling ridiculous about it.”  
  
“It is memorable.” Bruce said. It was then the wedding march started up just out side. “ Alright, show time Captain Rogers!” 

* * *

  
 ‘I keep on loving you’ played over the dance floor as the new couple and their guests slowly danced to the heart felt words. The soft lights hanging around the tented reception area created a soft glow. It was tasteful and warm, defiantly creating a moment the couple and their guests would never forget.   
  
One couple in particular looked fondly at each other, forgetting those around them. Loki placed a kiss on Bruce’s forehead and smiled. “I love you  Bruce Banner, you saved me.”  He said softly before pulling ever closer.  It was in moments like this when Loki felt the most thankful for the scientist. Had Bruce not taken a chance on him he would have never made it this far. There were times when Loki wondered if he’d even still been alive if it wasn’t for Bruce.   
  
Would he still be in that rusted out Trans am, doing anything and everything to get by and get comfortably numb. Would he have made a mistake, cheated the wrong person, and ended up face down in a pool of his own blood. Worse still, would he have simply given up one day and shot up just a little too much.  Would days have past before he was found and weeks before he was identified, if ever.   
  
Bruce had been there when the hour was at its darkest and the fork in the road unclear. The quiet gentle man  with his wire frames and  rough hands, had been Loki’s North Star. Leading him back to safety and away from the thrones and jagged stones awaiting him down a road of addiction and pain. He couldn’t help but whisper the sentiment of love once again.   
  
“I love you too.” Bruce said, he  couldn’t help but think back, no one knew how lonely he was… how dark every day was beginning to grow in the months before that fateful reunion. He wasn’t sure that it wasn’t Loki that saved him. Therefore, he held on a little tighter and they moved a bit slower to savor this moment. Perhaps one day soon they would have a moment like this all to themselves.  The notion of standing before family and friends to share with the world his love for this complex, and sometimes-infuriating man - suddenly felt all the more attractive.   
  
Perhaps he should start looking at that thought a bit closer.   
  
  



	15. Epilogue

  
The banner was tacky and glittery that hung in the banquet hall reading ‘20-years! Class of 1999’  the crowd was smaller this time around, most people likely had work and family obligations and could not attend.   
  
Clint and Natasha for instance where absent, their surrogate had gone into labor that morning. Tony joked that the Barton clan was building their own circus. Not that the Rogers- Stark clan was any better, Tony’s long time friend Pepper was currently a surrogate for the couple, though only a few months along. Meanwhile their adopted son Peter, who was an adorable and brilliant little seven-year-old. Was currently at the refreshment table with his papa. The little boy was finding it difficult to reach the punch bowl.   
  
Bruce smiled softly watching the pair, it was sweet. Not quiet as sweet as what was waiting for him at a table just to the right. Where his own husband… and son sat. 

* * *

  
Loki and Bruce tied the knot two years ago, it was a quiet ceremony held in the garden of Loki’s family home in England. The stood under an arbor of roses and exchanged simple vows before family and friends. Bruce couldn’t have been happier, well that was until just a year later when the couple took a trip to Canada.  
  
 Bruce was working with a research group for childhood cancer. It was something he’d always been passionate about and being able to bring Loki along with him for the few months he would be aiding the team had been great.   
  
One day in particular the team was going down the a ward in a local hospital to meet with  the families of potential test patients for an experimental drug trail.   
  
They had walked through the halls  and met with each family individually, explaining the risks and benefits. While the team was working Loki had wandered down to the children’s reading room, he thought perhaps taking a few photos to send back to Tony to see if Stark Industries might like to donate for some renovations. It was an older hospital after-all and Loki felt that every child should have access to books. When he entered the activity room, he spotted one child sitting alone at the window.   
  
The little boy looked to be about 8 or maybe 9, his hair was gone and what skin Loki could see was rashed or sore scared. Perhaps from the radiation therapy or the cocktail of drugs the poor boy was on.  Still the child was grinning happily down at a notepad as he scribbled on the page with crayons.   
  
  
“Hello there.”   
  
The little boy looked up and blinked a pair of big brown eyes “Hey! Wow.. You have a lot hair for a man…wait…you are a guy right? Cause I don’t see no boobs.”  
  
Loki snorted back a laugh, “Yes I am a man, and I suppose I do wear it a bit long these days. Do you mind if I sit?”   
  
“Sure thing, I’m not contagious or nothing. In case you were wondering, its not Ebola or anything.” The boy said picking up another crayon, his tongue poking out between his lips as he concentrated on the drawing. A tiger with wings being ridden by a sword wielding bikini model.   
  
“That’s.. Interesting.” Loki said. This was the strangest child he’d ever met and yet it was refreshing.   
  
“Hell yeah it is! See this is the most awesomest  thing ever in the history of everything. After this everything else is basically crap.”  
  
Loki nodded, “Your parents must be proud to have such a creative boy.”  
  
The little boy frowned, “ I don’t have any. Pops when out for smokes when I was little and never came back. I guess maybe he couldn’t find the right ones and kept looking. Maybe he’ll come back, maybe. Mom said she had to go pee right after my first treatment but then she didn’t come back either. So don’t go to the bathroom cause…I don’t know maybe there’s like a portal to another dimension in the toilet that might reach out and drag you down ass first. Which would be kinda embarrassing cause then where ever you end up you have your pants around your ankles.”  
  
Something in the ravenette broke watching the little boy, how his parents could abandon him like that. When he needed them most? Loki was about to ask if perhaps the child had another parent or guardian when the little one spoke again.  
  
“It’s ok though, I mean… I’m gonna die soon.”  
  
“You don’t know that for certain.” Loki tried. “I came here today with people who are trying out new treatments for the children here. There’s always hope, even when you can’t see it.”  
  
The child grinned and for that moment Loki could almost not see the scars, and the ones he did see didn’t mater because that bright smile and sparkling eyes seemed to cover all the sickness. “You think maybe some scientist guy will come and take me away and make me a superhero like in the comics! Not one of those lame ones though with like magic jewelry and crap. Like one of the awesome ones with like muscles and super strength, I could have like a mask to cover up my face then and it wouldn’t be weird. Oh and maybe a sidekick! All the good heroes have side kicks.”   
  
He couldn’t help but laugh, “I don’t know about super powers, but I know of a scientist who I’m sure would love to meet you.” 

* * *

  
  
When Bruce entered the next room he was surprised to see Loki sitting next to the child’s bed playing with action figures with the boy. “Um.. Loki, I see made a friend.”   
  
“Ah yes, hello darling. This lovely young man is Wade Wilson.”  
  
****  
  
That’s how it started, Wade joined the trial study to try to shrink the many tumors that had spread through the child’s body. All the while Loki remained by his side, a friend to talk to and a hand to hold. It was after a particularly difficult treatment when Bruce watched Loki holding the crying boy, whispering soft words and holding a bin for when the little boy could no longer hold the meager contents of his stomach.  Bruce wanted to stop this because he could see what was happening, because it was happening to him to. Every day this child over all the other, as strange as Wade was, was worming into their hearts.   
  
“I don’t think I can leave him Bruce.” Loki said that night back in there rental apartment near the hospital. “ I can’t explain it…I just know I can’t, he doesn’t have anyone and he deserves that much.”   
  
  
“What do you feel when you help him. Is it..” Bruce didn’t want to say pity but he had to be sure, had to know what exactly Loki was feeling before he suggested anything.   
  
Loki wiped at his eyes and looked out at the snow-covered night, “My father told me…that when he held me he knew. I just know Bruce, that’s my son.”  
  
***  
  
It took some doing, but since Wade’s parents had abandoned him -leaving the child a ward of the province, it was only a matter of talking to the right people. It also helped that Bruce had a bit of pull with his reputation, and the reputation of Loki’s employer the famous Tony Stark. Well, the Canadian government was happy enough to have adoption papers over. The couple knew that this would be a hard road. Wade was still very sick even with the tumors responding to the treatment. There was a change that the harsh medications  would breakdown his already fragile body. Nevertheless, that was a risk they had to take, because leaving him alone now just wasn’t an option.   
  


* * *

  
  
Peter bounced up to the table where his Uncle Loki was sitting. “Wade! They have tiny hotdogs with cheese in them!” The  younger boy babbled happily sharing a few of the Swiss filled cocktail sausages.”   
  
Loki glanced up at where Bruce was standing, they didn’t need words to know what the other was saying at that moment. Today was one of their son’s better days. They hoped would be many more, it was one of Loki’s better days too. There had been some dark points and cravings in the last year  and yet they got through them together. They would keep getting through them.   
  
**FIN.**  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking his journey with me. I hope you will join me for the next. The preface will be up shortly for "Dignity at Dawn"


End file.
